there isn't a a place that i wanna be more than home now. just rotting in front of the tv on the sofa watching MAMA2011 and doing nothing. being stuck in my small 4 walls, i dont even feel the mood to watch MAMA. bleah. maybe i'll do some work instead. when im freer from lab (hopefully) i'll be heading home at least for a few days. life is too short to just stay in sch for some stupid effwhypee shit that sucks my hols away. that 1st class honours is tempting but im tired. so now im stuck in btwn working very hard and not wanting to work at all. so i decided i shall at least work hard this wk, and maybe play abit more next wk with the kukup trip and probably more time home.
argh there's this person who is annoying me to death. honestly why do i need to care that you're bored to death or update you about my life when im not really that close to you. seriously every time when your msg comes i just feel like saying f-off.
pardon that angsty paragraph. anyway yeah while i was typing that angsty paragraph i felt something sharp poking my eye that couldnt be blinked out by tears. when i looked in the mirror damn it was my eyelash that was smack in the middle of my sclera. another reason to be home cos no one is freaking in sch to help me blow it out. thank goodness for contacts training that im not that adverse to touching my eye, although it's still kind of freaky. somehow i couldnt pluck it out after trying many times but by some luck it went onto my underlid so i can just pull my lower lid down and edge it out. man it was quite scary.
haiz im just emoing that hols aint hols at all. even my last hols you have to deprive me of it eh effwhypee. see my progress this wk, if it's good i swear i'll take some afternoons off next wk for day outs!at most come earlier in the morning haha.
+ val-* @ 9:24 PM
=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
+ val-* @ 9:38 PM
hahahahha i just have to record this. i am feeling very happy now!!!!!!!
see i told you i have bipolar disorder.
i don't know if i should get a hang of my emotions. it's just easier to feel what i am actually feeling than to suppress it haha. man i think im really retarded XD
+ val-* @ 7:59 PM
im a very emotionally driven person. i guess most of the time i can stay cheerful and happy, but when i emo im quite helpless about it.and also when im stressed, i display s/sx of bipolar mania-depression. really need better emotional management haha.
i need to put myself in other pple's shoes more. been living in my own idealistic fairytale world for too long. i think i lived a very sheltered life, and very carefree too! i dont really think my life is that sad haha. but i sure dont know alot of things heh, dont wish to know either (no im not referring to gossips only haha). so disappointed with myself recently. haiz. nvm, learn and move on!!!
+ val-* @ 5:13 PM
that was exactly what i needed(:
haha in the end i failed to keep away from this place. seriously even though this time i only have 3 papers but it's making me feel that exams are seriously crawling their way towards me! i wanaa hurry chopchop finish everything!!! cant waitttttttttt=D
i am currently feeling extremely stressed about RM. like wts and im still here?! but so stressed that i need to destress 1st if not cannot study. man i feel like i dont know anything. nvm it'll be over in 16hours!
+ val-* @ 11:07 PM
conventional wisdom#1: doesnt mean you cant be cheerful or cheeky,just need to know when and still be urself at all times in different situations. conventional wisdom#2: be humble.and sincerely n honestly think that pple are better than you cos they really are.and sound really earnest abt it.you will achieve the 3rd sentence if you can achieve the 2nd. OMGOSH im writing all thes rubbish when i have a paper later!!alrights im a slacker this yr really.ciao till fri(hopefully)!:D and all the best to everyone!!!:D
+ val-* @ 8:54 AM
sigh. no mood to study for exams. there i am slacking like shit for RM and comm med, but i finally could settle down and write out the notes for PT. hope i can pull up my PT grades. anw the CA grades just came out for comm med and it's not bad, maybe i should really focus on it, cos i realised they can really test quite alot for mcq and i haven't really studied it super well yet.
and i've been feeling very happy recently. no marks for guessing why haha. God's hands are so amazing! i keep asking myself what did i do to deserve all this, but grace is never about getting what you deserve but getting more than what you deserve. as fallen humans the only thing we deserve is death and punishment, but a God so loving and kind show us mercy and grace when we turn to Him. With all these within His control, sometimes i really chide myself for worrying about the smallest of things. He who made the heavens and the earth, would definitely know what is best for us and will guide us. Whoever who turns to Him will see hope in their lives despite the sadness and unfairness in this fallen world. It's all about a personal r/s with Him, to trust in Him, to seek Him, to ask Him to be your guide in life. Never mind the looks and criticism of others, what we do is only accountable to Him and no others.
+ val-* @ 11:59 PM
im super happy today! i had to ask really?! like 3 times before i truly registered what i heard! thank God for His grace and guidance because otherwise i would have felt very lost. i realised i was too happy to ask more pertinent questions but at least i can stop feeling distressed!=D
today is a really happy day, i dont really think it's due to the date but it's a sunny day, last day of sch, everyone is super chillax, i was happy the whole day, no lab to fan3 about, no studying to worry about (i just choose not to) and it's just a good day! so happy!
now i need to focus on my studies for real! man i dont even know what to study 1st!ohwells valval can do it jiayou!!! i hope you all dont see me online for the next 2 wks exactly. then i'll be freeeeeeeee=D
+ val-* @ 12:49 AM
today is a day where everyone makes a big hoohaa about.
to me, it's a day i took a brave leap of faith. okay, not the main leap yet but a small step of faith. im currently super duper tired but am feeling happy scared distressed at the same time.
okay sleep time. maybe i'll continue blogging tmr too tired now.
+ val-* @ 1:43 AM
I GOT MY 1ST PRODUCT YTD=DDDD
although i know like other have already gotten like many products but after slogging for 1 whole month at it you can't imagine the immense joy of having results. honestly i was getting abit sian before this so it's a real surprise before i break for exams!
and YES, after collecting my results from lab today valerie announces a lab holiday till after exams whoo!!
=D
but now it's the time for some serious mugging. surprisingly i dont feel very stressed now but i think i will when i start mugging proper. i need to be stressed. totally dont even have the motivation to study for drug quiz when it's in like 6hours time and i havent finished studying lol. wts too used to putting in all my energy for fyp and hacking my studies. hope i dont do too badly for this sem seriously.
and my zen spot for studying is not suited for studying anymore=(
the mosquitoes there are seriously getting too huge and they like to bite me at least 6 times everyday. i think they used to do that also, dont know how i tahan one sia. but i really love my zen spot mosquitoes go away=(
+ val-* @ 8:56 AM
2 Corinthians chapter 1.
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.
may peace and comfort come to all on earth. although times are distressing, God is the God of comfort. He will hide you under His arms, under His great arms He will guide you and protect you from harm. Although we are not completely spared of the experience, we come out victorious, knowing that the one who fights for us is the powerful and Almighty God. val is weak, but He is strong. I cannot lead, socialise, speak up, study, dance, play the piano, and survive this world without trusting in His guidance and relying on Him, because without Him i am nothing. Sometimes when i stray from the path, His redeeming Grace brings me back to Him. in this world where relationships are fragile, i know there is a relationship that will never die. mine with God.
and so, i've decided.
+ val-* @ 8:47 AM
started the day not so good. some bad experiences in lab. spent the day studying for drug quiz, but not without many disruptions which are not entirely bad.when i was productive it was good. and i could spend time watching some drama episodes and things i would never imagine doing during exam period. somehow from today i feel that i am and will cope well with my duties this week. and with God's strength i will spend my next few no, ONE WEEK omgosh studying hard for my finals and do it well too hopefully.
i need to make a decision soon. i'm like in distress because i haven't made the decision. i think deep down in my hearts i already know it. but things are getting out of my control and i feel helpless.
+ val-* @ 9:58 PM
i feel like giving up on this sem's finals. ahhhh!
i've never started studying so late for finals before. i dont think i can start anytime soon if i choose to continue my FYP. seems like alot of pple are starting only during study week too. plus group B got drug quiz anw. so prob they'll start studying only after thurs. which makes me consider if i should just pia 1 more wk of FYP or just stop doing. because i cant make up my mind now im like doing my FYP half heartedly and not planning to do anything much also, which is super time wasting cos i achieve nothing ultimately. ok i think i decided to just pia FYP. kind of decided that i'll just pia my 3 subjects in 9days and pray hard i'll be alright. which is so impossible cos i could barely study properly for the CAs this sem and i feel that i dont know anything much plus i didn't go for comm med lectures haha. nvm fyp more impt fyp more impt fyp more impt *chants to self*
and i'm still going out as much as ever. it feels like my exams are 2 months away instead HAHA. i really wish.
on a side note, went for a wedding today with alot of mixed feelings and full of thoughts. it was really nice to sit down and catch up with some of my church mates whom i dont talk to alot. and those youngs girls are really sweet and innocent(: kind of feel happier and younger when i interact with them! they look upon me like an older sister and i kind of feel fortunate to be looked up to. hope im a good example to them haha.
+ val-* @ 6:42 PM
i have a longing everyday. but it's okay i'll just make do with whatever i have now.
i have a craving now. this one can be satisfied!!i suddenly realised i havent drank bubble tea for very long!it shall be the drink i'll get when i go out the next time=D
currently my cough is still very annoying. the next thought that came to my mind is ohdear i must stop thinking about going out cos it's exams soon. so incoherent. but i hope i get well soon haha. and i realised im still going out quite alot and i still have alot of activities. i guess it's okay la. this sem is not too bad. hopefully i'll still do okay.
i think it's interesting to know how others view certain issues. i think sometimes i need to take more stands. it's good to start now before we go to the workplace. settle our thoughts and our personalities 1st. but otherwise im pretty happy the way i am haha. yeah maybe it won't really get me far in life but it's okay i either find ways to resolve it but still stay myself or just stick with it haha.
+ val-* @ 8:54 PM