cherrysh

2012-01-31T00:46:00.002+08:00

RELIEVED. the best word that describes my feelings best after a lunch talk.

SATISFACTION. the best word that describes my feelings now after completing my lab work (almost) and tidying up my data and being productive at writing my report.

HAPPY. the best word that sums up my relationship with those who are dear to me(:

guess my monday blues werent that blue afterall(:

2012-01-30T17:24:00.001+08:00

How ironic, that FYP is the only thing that makes me happy now.something i'll never thought i would say.my usual insecurities are ebbing in me, everything that was supposedly simple became complicated not because i could help it. i just have to keep thinking about the good stuff. goodstuffgoodstuffgoodstuff. okay now im feeling slightly better. on to writing my fyp report.

2012-01-19T13:44:00.001+08:00

today is just one of the days i feel really down.

partly cos i havent had enough sleep for the whole week and i kept going out which means i had to do work really late into the night. and maybe cos im getting old i really feel like dying today. yet there's no rest for the weary during this period. cny is more of a nuisance then a rest because i have to work my lab schedule around it, prob have to come back on cny eve like wth.

so pardon the grouchy tired me today.

2012-01-16T18:39:00.000+08:00

today is seriously damn hot.but the good thing is, i finished my expt early. the not good thing is, i thought i'll end late so i didn't plan anything today. well i actually have alot to do so i guess i dont really mind, but im not really in the mood to start work yet sigh.

2012-01-14T00:05:00.004+08:00

gosh it was really a tiring day today. nonstop from 7am till 10pm when dance ended. only a 45min lunch break. resorted to starbucks for calories at night cos freaking no more food places opened in sch when dance ended.felt faint when dance ended totally hypoglycemic from dancing and all the running about from dance to lab to dance without dinner.okay super tired tmr is crazy too goodnight world.

2012-01-12T23:55:00.000+08:00

OMG crazy day tmr. okay goodnight world.

2012-01-09T21:43:00.000+08:00

after catching up with friends and doing abit of lab at 8pm i was back in my room thinking okay it's time to study drug quiz and i'll be able to do quite alot today, had the disciplined feel.

after finish tabbing my DIH, i just feel damn tired. haven't even started studying anything. SIANS. feel like just going to bed now and heck drug quiz. it's bad to start sch with a tired mind with not enough rest. tmr will be a xiong day in lab but at least my night will be awesome=D just hope im not too tired that all i feel like doing is nua. which is quite the case nowadays. sigh.

2012-01-08T19:50:00.000+08:00

jealousy is the art of counting someone else's blessings instead of your own.

Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.

Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.

Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.

Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.

i got all these from here: http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/

i think these are the stuff that i need to focus on. esp the perfectionist one. and the worrying. fyp is totally not something that i should worry about so much. it matters only for my salary i guess. so what if i get 1st class? nothing much, but if i dont i waste all my effort these years trying to maintain my cap when i could have done other stuff. well actually not really, i think i did do what i wanted to in uni.. like dance and organising events and stuff. and i guess studying hard now would be rewarding when i come out to work. so i should stop worrying about fyp. guess i just want to put in my best effort for everything i do. there, my perfectionist attitude. but so what if the real world doesn't reward perfectionist, i feel the satisfaction knowing i did my best. if i didn't do my best and i don't do well, i would definitely regret it cos i would think if i had did my best i would have gotten my 1st class. actually even when i did my best and i dont get my 1st class, i would think i didn't put in my best and could have done better haha. ironies of life. set too high expectations for myself. maybe cos i expect myself to be able to achieve it. nvm, it's the last lap in sch alr i'll just yeah do my best for the last time in sch and then i'll be working and fyp will just be a memory tucked away somewhere that i will have nothing to do with hopefully for the rest of my life.

im at a phase of life where i feel it's time to grow up and know what i want and face reality. in my heart im honestly still a kid filled with fantasy and innocence feeling all carefree and childish, but that part of me will be hidden preciously deep in my heart with utmost care as i continue to face growing up bravely. despite knowing that i'll have 4 more yrs to think of what i want to do in the future, but im putting more serious thought into a few paths that i may take, and even considering stepping out of my comfort zone to study overseas - something i would have never considered in the past. no way im too rooted in singapore. and not only just work, also about other aspects of my life, my relationship with God and with humans. haha i feel old alr, like im past the stage of pia-ing and looking for greater heights. im all ready to settle for a normal mundane life filled with happiness ahead trusting in my Lord to guide me through life's storms. i've been living for others (mainly my parents) when im schooling, i've been focused on the wrong stuff that prob dont matter to me in the future. i dont mean studying hard is wrong, i don't regret it at all. to be able to end up with this profession is due to all these hard work!but working so hard when i was young is alright, but i want to take things easier from now on. it's not that i dont have my dreams, but i'll only do what is necessary to achieve them, to take a more focused view and to set priorities in my stuff, not to blindly work hard for everything. and esp not to try too hard for anything. esp in pleasing people (well depends on who).

this dec was really great for me. other than fyp which is the only sad thing in my whole dec, i found out where my heart lies and i take great pleasure in that. and i think if life is like that for the rest of my life i would be very happy. so now i just need fyp to be over 1st, i know there are always other difficulties like fyp that will come along in life, but if there are other things to be happy about, my life would be truly balanced and blessed.

haha i haven't blogged such a serious post in ages. but i kind of want to document this down. maybe i'll look back in a few years and think how come i could come up with all these then lol. sch's starting tmr excites!!! honestly without fyp it would be more awesome haha. ciao!

2012-01-04T21:03:00.002+08:00

yayy supper with the boy on fri! i know this kind of statements are meant for something like twitter but im still pretty private about my stuff. think not many pple read my blog. I THINK.

me thought that i wont be able to see the boy for 2weeks thanks to stupid finals. but me am feeling extremely sian to this wk although after this wk i will wash my hands of chem so heehee even alittle time tog is much awaited(: and yesss im going to end this crazy dec with a bang with dance on fri and sat!!!and then it'll be sch reopen zzz can't imagine juggling fyp and schwork again not sure if dec or sem2 is worse man. but i think anything for no more chem lab man.

kind of want my last semester to come but not come also, partly it's the crazy load which dont allow me to enjoy myself but at the same time i am still going to join my last CAC+US dance concert and i wanna enjoy my last sem as a student. sem2 pls be slightly slightly kinder to me, i know it's kind of not really possible but still anyone can make a wish!

sometimes i wish i hadnt gotten such a good fyp. if my fyp poj suck then i'll just slack my way through. now that it's good i have to slog my way through so that i dont waste the opportunity given to me. so much stress!!!!! sians.

2012-01-02T22:10:00.002+08:00

If you want to know where your heart is,
look at where your mind goes when it wanders.

saw this quote somewhere. hmm i guess that's quite true hor.

BUT NOT NOW. my freaking mind thinks about fyp all the time but my heart is definitely not there. hmph.
but yeah when my mind is not thinking about fyp i guess that statement is pretty true.

all the time i think about giving up on my fyp but now it's too late to give up. im like finishing most of the labwork alr. so there's only 1 way to go now, to move fwd and pia the last lab. really can't wait to finish lab. although the report writing and presentations and poster will be another pain in the ass but it's really the lab that pisses me off and makes me worry all the time. when all the results are in my fyp is technically done whoo!can't wait!and when lab is over my life will be better.may be busier with sch work etc but really, anything but labwork pls. and dance will be awesome too!everything will start next sem!im going to have a blast for my last sem in nus=D

cheers to 2012!

2012-01-02T12:41:00.000+08:00

the past 2 days were crazy. how i spent my last few hours of 2011 and the last few hours of the 1st day of 2012. those crazy 12 hours will be times i rmb for the rest of 2012 i think. at the same time, i wouldn't want to be remembering what i did in the past 2 days other than those 12 hours so i shall not write it here. and not for today either.

okay. i dont know what to write anymore. happy new year!

2012-01-01T01:38:00.002+08:00

i managed to tide through the 6hours phew!

tmr round 2 ohman!my cheek bones are aching already!

anw happy new year guys!may your new year be filled with love joy peace and happiness=D

2011-12-31T01:37:00.001+08:00

happy new year's eve!

mine will be pretty uneventful actually. gonna stay home all day to write my report. hopefully i'll be productive dont think i'll have much time to write when school starts.

lab was so tiring this wk i burnt out before today damn. at least i won't be doing lab for another 3 days thanks to another PH in lieu. this time im not stupidly going to lab again. so happy holidays people!

2011-12-27T22:58:00.002+08:00

i am so tired!!! but somehow i regained my motivation to quickly finish up my lab so this lab im pia-ing like siao again. or rather, it's now pia or never. no time liao. but i dont really feel the sense of dread to go to lab like i did last time, partly cos the difficult part is over, now is just pure hard work. but overall research is still sian and i will not do it for a career.

okay enough of fyp. anw my christmas was pretty awesome this yr albeit super tiring also. since the kukup trip i havent been abit to really rest much, feel like i got not enough slp every night. or rather, can't slp well! too used to slping super little. ytd night i slpt at 11 only to wake up suddenly at 4am-.- had some difficulty going back to slp but i eventually did and then my alarm rang!gosh!i thought i'll be wide awake but i felt super tired so i snoozed 3 times before waking up. still woke up at 810 anw. life is super crazy now i really cant wait for fyp to be over. think next sem is going to be worse plus im still joining dance haha. but dance is to relieve my fyp boredom really. can't spend my last yr just doing fyp. makes me feel like dying everyday.

u know i haven't turned on my comp for 11 days?! no wonder my fujitsu laptop is still working after 4 years man. this yr i use super little haha.can dont use for a few days or a week straight. i think not for long though, gotta start writing my report argh. why does everything link back to fyp. zzz. okay im like ranting non stop shall not blog anymore ciao people!

2011-12-26T19:44:00.001+08:00

i felt super retarded when i tapped my card to access my lab and it said access denied.only tjen i realised it's ph im lieu of ytd.sianz.equals no nmr equals cant do much.but still did anw till 6 and wanted to write my report initially but decided to meet my church frens instead.yr4 is too sjort to just be doing fp on a ph.so there.ciao happy hols pple!merry christmas and happy new year(:

2011-12-22T00:27:00.000+08:00

you know how i like to blog when im the busiest. today has been a crazy day and i've yet to do the work im supposed to do tonight. but here i am so i shall type fast.

kukup has been awesome. i think i've been longing for such a break for a long time and i think it really came timely because it was the time i got stuck at fyp. and i was still stressing out on sun before i left for kukup on mon but yeah im alright now, things are moving again but i kidn of have more to do cos my prof just increased the amt of cpds i have to make gosh!but let's not go into that.

anw i had the time of my life in kukup and im too lazy to elaborate but basically we just sang and nua the day away with lots of good seafood heh. life's little pleasures(: and then i was back ytd in sg at 230 and at 330 i went for dance and totally enjoyed myself! can't believed i haven't danced for a long time. it made me super hungry though. met sean for dinner (ate laksa which i had a sudden craving for and which was real good) and watch MI4. the show was obviously good if not i'll be asleep alr, been rushing around the entire day and was really tired(obviously we wouldn't slp much in kukup). then today lab was hectic cos after a meeting with my sup suddenly i had alot of things to do. finished lab at 7 and went to holland v to meet my friends for dinner. did i mention it's my 5th time in holland v in 2 wks? everyone just wants to meet me there cos it's more convenient for me, really appreciate it though, if not i'll be real late for dates! had a really enjoyable time and by 11 i was stoning there alr so my fren suggested we leave. and so i was. caught the last train back to sch at 1130 and now im just ready to start whatever i need to complete by tmr. gosh feel so dead. okay going to do them now and catch some slp. goodnight peeps!

2011-12-12T23:17:00.003+08:00

muahahahahaha me ish feeling happy!

1) i'm meeting my close dance friend tmr! gonna hear exciting news from her=D
2) me ish influenced by the mood of others=D

so even though typing the report sucks but i realised it's not too bad when im typing on microsoft word with 4 other tabs opened in mozilla=D

fyp woes go away!stop haunting me everyday!dont come again another day i never want to see you again hahaha.

2011-12-12T20:05:00.004+08:00

i have a perpetual longing for home now. just one night of stay in my hostel and i feel like running back home again.

maybe i'll just drive home later.

fyp really sucks to the core. i have nv in my life hated doing something so much before. now i know why they said to find a job that you like and why pple dont like to sign bonds. so thank goodness preceptorship at hospital was alright, although i know that it's of course different when it's ur job. but i think i can convince myself better at doing that than this lame shit that i dont really want to give a damn but i have to.

edit: haiz decided not to drive home. gotta show some determination here. even if i am taking things more chillax it doesnt mean slack. should just be slow and steady. shall started writing my report now. sup's alr bugging me for it. i can do it go valval! soon it'll be over!

2011-12-10T23:39:00.001+08:00

it's weird how i tend to blog more during the exam period. oh wait not really, because it's not that im less busy now, in fact im busier now zzz.

last wk has been a hell week for me. despite the 2 days of enjoyment i was in a pretty depressed mood and i dont know why. and on thu i was so stressed i just broke down like finally. and i stayed home the entire wk cos i couldn't bear to stay alone in sch with that shitty mood. but somehow i managed to straighten my thoughts and on fri i was thinking why the hell i was so stressed and i couldn't think of the reason.

so now fyp is going to be more chillax for me. no more doing crazy hours in lab and having no life.

today was a really great day(: went to east coast to cycle with sean and enjoy the sun (didn't play with the sand or the sea sadly!) and just chill at parkway. after a crazy wk i was glad to exercise a little and chill a little haha. oh and dance will start next wk for me so that's something else to look forward to(:

i've been procrastinating for some fyp stuff but nah not going to do it this wk. shall enjoy 1st and maybe next wk i'll put in a little more effort to do it maybe.

2011-12-06T01:08:00.001+08:00

2011-12-02T17:40:00.001+08:00

haha it feels good to be out of lab before the sun sets!! im out of lab at 450 today!wah totally break record of my whole wk!

but now i have to prepare for sunday sch. gosh crazy wk!cant wait to relax for today night and tmr=DDD

btw it felt super freaking good to rant about fyp and complain to each other like crazy for the whole lunch! it's the thing that keeps all of us going! actually now almost every lunch even with others is also about fyp and how it really sucks.

okay ttyl. i think for the whole month of dec it'll be like this so damn sian!hear me rant here too hahaha

2011-12-01T22:34:00.001+08:00

i am so tired everyday i can't do anything once i reach my room. which is bad cos i have stuff to do!

i thought after exams it'll be better cos hey it's the hols after lab i can still do stuff. no! it means stay for longer hours in the lab to do things at machine gun pace. i need to stop thinking if all this is worth it because i know damn well it's not im just doing it because i die die have to do it. the timeline is so tight that any slack would just delay everything and not make my workload lighter. sigh.

i want my hols!!!!!!!it's so bad everyday i just feel like giving up but i cant :(

2011-11-29T21:24:00.001+08:00

there isn't a a place that i wanna be more than home now. just rotting in front of the tv on the sofa watching MAMA2011 and doing nothing. being stuck in my small 4 walls, i dont even feel the mood to watch MAMA. bleah. maybe i'll do some work instead. when im freer from lab (hopefully) i'll be heading home at least for a few days. life is too short to just stay in sch for some stupid effwhypee shit that sucks my hols away. that 1st class honours is tempting but im tired. so now im stuck in btwn working very hard and not wanting to work at all. so i decided i shall at least work hard this wk, and maybe play abit more next wk with the kukup trip and probably more time home.

argh there's this person who is annoying me to death. honestly why do i need to care that you're bored to death or update you about my life when im not really that close to you. seriously every time when your msg comes i just feel like saying f-off.

pardon that angsty paragraph. anyway yeah while i was typing that angsty paragraph i felt something sharp poking my eye that couldnt be blinked out by tears. when i looked in the mirror damn it was my eyelash that was smack in the middle of my sclera. another reason to be home cos no one is freaking in sch to help me blow it out. thank goodness for contacts training that im not that adverse to touching my eye, although it's still kind of freaky. somehow i couldnt pluck it out after trying many times but by some luck it went onto my underlid so i can just pull my lower lid down and edge it out. man it was quite scary.

haiz im just emoing that hols aint hols at all. even my last hols you have to deprive me of it eh effwhypee. see my progress this wk, if it's good i swear i'll take some afternoons off next wk for day outs!at most come earlier in the morning haha.

2011-11-27T21:38:00.001+08:00

=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

2011-11-27T19:59:00.001+08:00

hahahahha i just have to record this. i am feeling very happy now!!!!!!!

see i told you i have bipolar disorder.

i don't know if i should get a hang of my emotions. it's just easier to feel what i am actually feeling than to suppress it haha. man i think im really retarded XD

2011-11-27T17:13:00.001+08:00

im a very emotionally driven person. i guess most of the time i can stay cheerful and happy, but when i emo im quite helpless about it.and also when im stressed, i display s/sx of bipolar mania-depression. really need better emotional management haha.

i need to put myself in other pple's shoes more. been living in my own idealistic fairytale world for too long. i think i lived a very sheltered life, and very carefree too! i dont really think my life is that sad haha. but i sure dont know alot of things heh, dont wish to know either (no im not referring to gossips only haha). so disappointed with myself recently. haiz. nvm, learn and move on!!!

2011-11-22T23:07:00.001+08:00

that was exactly what i needed(:

haha in the end i failed to keep away from this place. seriously even though this time i only have 3 papers but it's making me feel that exams are seriously crawling their way towards me! i wanaa hurry chopchop finish everything!!! cant waitttttttttt=D

i am currently feeling extremely stressed about RM. like wts and im still here?! but so stressed that i need to destress 1st if not cannot study. man i feel like i dont know anything. nvm it'll be over in 16hours!

2011-11-21T08:54:00.001+08:00

conventional wisdom#1: doesnt mean you cant be cheerful or cheeky,just need to know when and still be urself at all times in different situations.conventional wisdom#2: be humble.and sincerely n honestly think that pple are better than you cos they really are.and sound really earnest abt it.you will achieve the 3rd sentence if you can achieve the 2nd.OMGOSH im writing all thes rubbish when i have a paper later!!alrights im a slacker this yr really.ciao till fri(hopefully)!:Dand all the best to everyone!!!:D

2011-11-16T23:59:00.001+08:00

sigh. no mood to study for exams. there i am slacking like shit for RM and comm med, but i finally could settle down and write out the notes for PT. hope i can pull up my PT grades. anw the CA grades just came out for comm med and it's not bad, maybe i should really focus on it, cos i realised they can really test quite alot for mcq and i haven't really studied it super well yet.

and i've been feeling very happy recently. no marks for guessing why haha. God's hands are so amazing! i keep asking myself what did i do to deserve all this, but grace is never about getting what you deserve but getting more than what you deserve. as fallen humans the only thing we deserve is death and punishment, but a God so loving and kind show us mercy and grace when we turn to Him. With all these within His control, sometimes i really chide myself for worrying about the smallest of things. He who made the heavens and the earth, would definitely know what is best for us and will guide us. Whoever who turns to Him will see hope in their lives despite the sadness and unfairness in this fallen world. It's all about a personal r/s with Him, to trust in Him, to seek Him, to ask Him to be your guide in life. Never mind the looks and criticism of others, what we do is only accountable to Him and no others.

2011-11-12T00:49:00.001+08:00

im super happy today! i had to ask really?! like 3 times before i truly registered what i heard! thank God for His grace and guidance because otherwise i would have felt very lost. i realised i was too happy to ask more pertinent questions but at least i can stop feeling distressed!=D

today is a really happy day, i dont really think it's due to the date but it's a sunny day, last day of sch, everyone is super chillax, i was happy the whole day, no lab to fan3 about, no studying to worry about (i just choose not to) and it's just a good day! so happy!

now i need to focus on my studies for real! man i dont even know what to study 1st!ohwells valval can do it jiayou!!! i hope you all dont see me online for the next 2 wks exactly. then i'll be freeeeeeeee=D

2011-11-11T01:43:00.001+08:00

today is a day where everyone makes a big hoohaa about.

to me, it's a day i took a brave leap of faith. okay, not the main leap yet but a small step of faith. im currently super duper tired but am feeling happy scared distressed at the same time.

okay sleep time. maybe i'll continue blogging tmr too tired now.

2011-11-10T08:56:00.000+08:00

I GOT MY 1ST PRODUCT YTD=DDDD

although i know like other have already gotten like many products but after slogging for 1 whole month at it you can't imagine the immense joy of having results. honestly i was getting abit sian before this so it's a real surprise before i break for exams!

and YES, after collecting my results from lab today valerie announces a lab holiday till after exams whoo!!
=D

but now it's the time for some serious mugging. surprisingly i dont feel very stressed now but i think i will when i start mugging proper. i need to be stressed. totally dont even have the motivation to study for drug quiz when it's in like 6hours time and i havent finished studying lol. wts too used to putting in all my energy for fyp and hacking my studies. hope i dont do too badly for this sem seriously.

and my zen spot for studying is not suited for studying anymore=(
the mosquitoes there are seriously getting too huge and they like to bite me at least 6 times everyday. i think they used to do that also, dont know how i tahan one sia. but i really love my zen spot mosquitoes go away=(

2011-11-08T08:47:00.000+08:00

2 Corinthians chapter 1.
³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. ⁵ For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. ⁶ If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.

may peace and comfort come to all on earth. although times are distressing, God is the God of comfort. He will hide you under His arms, under His great arms He will guide you and protect you from harm. Although we are not completely spared of the experience, we come out victorious, knowing that the one who fights for us is the powerful and Almighty God. val is weak, but He is strong. I cannot lead, socialise, speak up, study, dance, play the piano, and survive this world without trusting in His guidance and relying on Him, because without Him i am nothing. Sometimes when i stray from the path, His redeeming Grace brings me back to Him. in this world where relationships are fragile, i know there is a relationship that will never die. mine with God.

and so, i've decided.

2011-11-07T21:58:00.001+08:00

started the day not so good. some bad experiences in lab. spent the day studying for drug quiz, but not without many disruptions which are not entirely bad.when i was productive it was good. and i could spend time watching some drama episodes and things i would never imagine doing during exam period. somehow from today i feel that i am and will cope well with my duties this week. and with God's strength i will spend my next few no, ONE WEEK omgosh studying hard for my finals and do it well too hopefully.

i need to make a decision soon. i'm like in distress because i haven't made the decision. i think deep down in my hearts i already know it. but things are getting out of my control and i feel helpless.

2011-11-05T18:42:00.003+08:00

i feel like giving up on this sem's finals. ahhhh!

i've never started studying so late for finals before. i dont think i can start anytime soon if i choose to continue my FYP. seems like alot of pple are starting only during study week too. plus group B got drug quiz anw. so prob they'll start studying only after thurs. which makes me consider if i should just pia 1 more wk of FYP or just stop doing. because i cant make up my mind now im like doing my FYP half heartedly and not planning to do anything much also, which is super time wasting cos i achieve nothing ultimately. ok i think i decided to just pia FYP. kind of decided that i'll just pia my 3 subjects in 9days and pray hard i'll be alright. which is so impossible cos i could barely study properly for the CAs this sem and i feel that i dont know anything much plus i didn't go for comm med lectures haha. nvm fyp more impt fyp more impt fyp more impt *chants to self*

and i'm still going out as much as ever. it feels like my exams are 2 months away instead HAHA. i really wish.

on a side note, went for a wedding today with alot of mixed feelings and full of thoughts. it was really nice to sit down and catch up with some of my church mates whom i dont talk to alot. and those youngs girls are really sweet and innocent(: kind of feel happier and younger when i interact with them! they look upon me like an older sister and i kind of feel fortunate to be looked up to. hope im a good example to them haha.

2011-11-02T20:54:00.004+08:00

i have a longing everyday. but it's okay i'll just make do with whatever i have now.

i have a craving now. this one can be satisfied!!i suddenly realised i havent drank bubble tea for very long!it shall be the drink i'll get when i go out the next time=D

currently my cough is still very annoying. the next thought that came to my mind is ohdear i must stop thinking about going out cos it's exams soon. so incoherent. but i hope i get well soon haha. and i realised im still going out quite alot and i still have alot of activities. i guess it's okay la. this sem is not too bad. hopefully i'll still do okay.

i think it's interesting to know how others view certain issues. i think sometimes i need to take more stands. it's good to start now before we go to the workplace. settle our thoughts and our personalities 1st. but otherwise im pretty happy the way i am haha. yeah maybe it won't really get me far in life but it's okay i either find ways to resolve it but still stay myself or just stick with it haha.

2011-10-30T18:36:00.002+08:00

now i realised i should blog whenever i can cos that's quite rare alr.

anw last wk has been so crazy. screwed up my PT test in exchange for an awesome P1 so i guess it's still kind of worth it, just that i have to mug like shit for my PT finals now. after PT i was in a state of euphoria for a 2nd time and was happy to hang out with uuuuuu! =D then i had to go home to practise my piano and after that i was glad to join them till late again!despite the heavy rain i think everyone had fun(:

i had already felt a slight bit of sore throat on fri but heh on sat when i woke up at 650 i was still contemplating whether to go for the chek jawa outing with my church youths. so wth right, totally not enough sleep and not feeling very well. but i measure my temp, was 37.2 so i went since i didnt have a fever. omw there i actually felt so horrible i had to take panadol, but i was alright throughout the whole trip! was a goner when i reached home though, still went back to sch to do lab cos i gotta complete something by mon. but halfway through i couldnt take it anymore i think i ran a fever so i left for home. that's why today have to go back again when i head back to sch zzz. but when i reached home i just concuss from 6-8, woke up for dinner, and slpt at 10 again until today. woke up initially at 6am with my nose flowing on its own and blocked at the same time (WTH?!) so i took panadol flu max. at 8am when it's time to wake up for church man i kind of felt slightly better but still with a headache, somehow i still went to church anw and im actually feeling way better now. i think it was sinusitis plus pharyngitis plus i dont know what but the thing is my phlegm is actually not very thick but super watery. and i had diarrhea today hmm. such a weird mix of symptoms but ohwells, thank God it's the weekends so i can relax and do nothing and hopefully i'll get better by mon!cos mon is the start of another week of chionging although not as bad as last week. it's alr the last lap of the sem, and im thinking if i should cut all my labs alr or just continue doing?haiya cant decide shall see how!

2011-10-27T21:53:00.002+08:00

YAY MY P1 IS OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR :DDDDDD
i was in a state of euphoria despite PT ca being tmr haha.

when i went today to the seminar room and setting up HHK came. then CC and HHK engaged in some confidential not-for-student's-ears convo so i left the room and waited for CEH to come. when we walked in, CC said to CEH, you looked stressed madam, more stressed than valerie. HAHA. so i said that's cos i'm prepared! and HHK said, that's cos she knows her examiner is nice, right valerie?

i think if my jaw opened any wider it would have dislocated HAHA.

so i asked err ya kind of, but actually i was scared like shit i tell you.i was just laughing at my sups and examiners cos they were so amusing.
and after i answered that, he said, later than you know.

i think i exercised every single bit of control i had over my jaws to prevent myself frm looking unglam.

and sure enough his qns weren't super easy. now to think abt it i did prepare for most of them, but they're still pretty hard anw, CEH still say won't be so farfetched when i asked her to clarify some stuff heh.

the idiotic thing was, the 3 of them left me in the room to pack up and shut down everything while they just left like that when it ended. my jaw just dropped for a 3rd time cos well im not super IT savvy, had to figure out how to off everything. boo. but before HHK left he quickly whispered very good. HEEEHEEEEEEEE(: i think even if he tell me i did ok only i would have been up in the heavensXD

don't -.- at me! i need some joy after letting him torture me during Q&A! freaking asked abt his specialties. i realised he was just driving at 1 point on hindsight. at least i think most of my answers were in the right track.

hokay. enough about my p1 i think u all are fainting from reading all these alr HAHA. but still i was really euphoric after that!!!!=DDDDDDDD

so now im not really in the mood to study for PT.GG. esp cos after stuffing my brain with P1 stuff all my PT stuff just conveniently got effluxed due to lack of memory space. pray hard that UTI is SOAP!the regimens are relatively less complicated anw compared to everything else!

btw CEH was super sweet! although she took up like 1.5hrs of my studying time just talking to me abt my P1 (she is more excited abt it than i am about the Q&A discussion) she offered me earl grey tea and some snacks to fill my pretty hungry stomach=D i think i can dont slp tonight alr which is a good thing, gotta catch up on PTTTTTTTTTT!<3 my sups(:

2011-10-25T20:58:00.003+08:00

my favourite phrase today is wp. NOT WEEPIN but err i am not sure if it's a vulgar word so i shall not spell it out. seriously it's the word that can describe today the best. although on hindsight i must congratulate myself for tolerating everything today qt well despite whining to alot of pple. i think i would have flared up more if i didn't exercise abit of self-control. fyp is so sigh. if i have more time to do it i think i would have liked it more because my project is really quite interesting. it's just very tough now to work with the tight schedules. and i have yet to complete even a chpt for PT i am so dead!!! i think i will survive somehow and p1 may not turn out to be so bad and pt will come out stuff that i have studied yes that will be the case ok bye pple happy deepavali (definitely not for me).

2011-10-23T23:15:00.001+08:00

after talking to my mum over the weekends, i realised why i am who i am 1 year ago.

i don't know if it's a good thing or not.. sometimes i feel really exasperated with myself for not having a mind on my own and being brainwashed very easily by almost everybody. it doesnt take too much to convince me if it's not about things that can be studied. i have just been a follower almost all my life, be it parents, friends, etc. when it comes to work i can lead sure. but i've been a poor leader of my life.

and at 22, i finally took a stand. this time, i am still a follower, but i know that the One i'm following is the right one. slowly i reshuffled my priorities. slowly i no longer yield to just any suggestions that pple give me. slowly i learn to think for myself, grow to know what is truly impt to me and to rid myself of social stigmas (maybe not completely but definitely a start). all this did not come easy. it was a tough year of reflecting and reflecting and reflecting. when 21 was over i truly know i can't be an anybody anymore. i have to be me. at 22, i think i finally turned into an adult. definitely more refining has to come as i continue reflecting on my life. at least i've gotten a big part of my life set in the correct direction. with the help of BSF and a very dear friend who kicked start this who gruesome cycle of reflections and a close sister who pointed me in the right direction.

i really thank God for these people in my life. because just 1 question from them each made me who i am today.

and to my mum, i think she gave me good values to tide through my student life. because of her, i could live the 1st 1/3 of my life with ease in the meritocratic system of SG. She always wanted the best for me, i know and i really appreciate it. but it's time to shelve some of these values for the next 2/3 of my life. She will soon know and appreciate the choice i make. because as i grow older and she grows older, she'll realise the values she gave me wouldn't bring her (nor me) the happiness she expected us to have.

2011-10-20T22:27:00.001+08:00

I've got this sudden thought that if anyone would hire me to do door-to-door med review, i would make it my career. it's so meaningful and yet it's only done by a miserly few pharmacy students and pharmacists in like 2 blks. no way that's enough! i think it's one area pharmacy students actually enjoy doing so why isn't there such an area to go into? well because u can't earn money from that. dammit. no one will pay to let u review their meds and chiding them for not taking it correctly. boo.

ohwells it's just a sudden thought. maybe one day i'll come up with the solution....

2011-10-18T20:27:00.002+08:00

hahaha just when i was so happy with my 1st product i totally failed for my 2nd one heehee. okay la abit annoyed cos have to delay experiment and stuff like that, but not too bad cos i still like chemistry heh. at least i dont have to wait like 5 days to know that i've failed or to wait 3 days for another cycle gosh! suddenly i feel very free tonight. i just realised it's cos i was out almost every night last week. ok time to catch up with some sch work, i feel that i've lost touch since e learning week hahaha.

2011-10-18T01:52:00.001+08:00

whooooooooooo i just have to write this: i wrote my research proposal in a record breaking 20min! in fact 10 mins excluding all the references and the formatting=D AND i hit 294 words in the 1st try without having to shrink my word count HAHA. i think it's really cause i did my presentation plus 2 rehearsals alr and i learnt how to select the main point to fit it into a 10min presentation so 300words is not too difficult really=p

okay that's all dont wanna have eggs thrown at me tmr. AND I GOT MY 1ST PRODUCT TODAY!!!!it's like im a proud mama giving birth to a baby HAHA. sorry i think im crazy about med chem. damn i should have chosen a more purely synthesis project. but okay la, having the opportunity to be exposed to both bio and chem is a blessing indeed(: thank God!

2011-10-15T16:35:00.002+08:00

fyp has slowly but surely taken a part of me with it. while everyone is already getting used to the swing of things like i did previously, i'm still struggling to adapt to an all new env of chemistry again, just when i got used to the bio part. i still like to do synthesis despite all the crazy shit that happened this week. that kind of made me feel slightly happier.

somehow i think i don't adapt to new env very quickly. the problems just keep coming when i'm still all blur and im abit bu zhi suo cuo. but the good thing is it forces me to think independently, like im forced to work my brain harder cos i die die have to solve it by myself when there's no one to rely on. it's not too bad, helps me rmb things better.

friends keep me sane. they crack me up, we talk about all sorts of rubbish, gossip alittle for some spice in our lives, complain about pharmacy and the likes together, HTHT, and update me about what's happening around me and in the news. Somehow i feel that im abit not in the world. other than fyp now i've got nothing to share in my life. catching up with friends is what i try to do every single moment when i can free myself frm fyp, and they bring alittle sanity back into my life each time. like how jiahui puts it,"fyp is robbing all my friends away". i sure feel it too! and i thank God for every single moment i can spend with friends(:

another thing that keeps me sane is my piano. whenever i feel so burnt out and all ready to cry i think when i reach home i shed tears of relief and joy instead. without my piano i think i would have lived my life in a daze. playing the piano keeps my worries away and i just immerse in the wonderful music and dream away...

that said, i think i should go back to dance again. i think it's another thing that injects abit more energy to my mundane life.

sundays are precious too. with time dedicated to God and bible study and reading spiritual books, it's the day for me to truly find rest and peace with the One who gives them. He keeps me alive and happy all the time despite the craziness of life everyday. sunday is a time of refreshment and reminder of the One who created and governs all on the Earth and the Heavens. i know i can place my trust in Him truly and be happy.

i think at this crossroad of life again it's time for some reflection every now and then. to find out what sustains me, what i truly want to do in life, what matters to me, what do i care about, to prioritise and to move forward.

2011-10-13T23:32:00.001+08:00

omgosh im growing ulcers!and starting to have a sore throat.

despite all my laughter and happy outlook recently, i feel...not myself. i mean i kind of am, but okay im just going in circles.

things have been really great for the past few days, with my fyp progressing pretty smoothly and in the midst of transition and a little catching up with sam and rach etcetcetcetc. i think everyone's mood is kind of better after the entire ca ordeal is over, so everyone seems to enjoy life alittle more and more willing to meet up(: there are a few things that have been swimming in my mind that sets me a little off balance in a few aspects of my life, but i just have to learn to trust God.

(:

2011-10-12T15:55:00.001+08:00

I am at the crisis point of my FYP. suddenly i dont know where this proj is heading.

After talking to the PhD student to discuss about my synthesis plans, we were chatting casually about our sups and other stuff. OMGOSH his CAP is now stuck in my head. really jaw drop. but besides that he really enlightened me about some stuff and made me think about my project and stuff like that all over again. i realised i really don't know how to judge a book. too superficial alr haiz. that aside, im so grateful for his help cos if not i'll really be sky diving off a crazy terrain (cant be struggline at the deep end of the pool cos i can swim).

feeling abit cranky now cos i suddenly just found out that i have another rehearsal for my p1 tmr and i havent done anything about it. GGXX. okay bye world i need to stop wasting time (not intentionally, i was doing work that was unnecessary, like i could have done it in the 1hr discussion with that student instead of like 6hrs by myself damn).

2011-10-11T23:54:00.003+08:00

ytd's lab was so fun!!!it was like sec sch lab all over again. cos i did..recrystallisation! i even took some pictures of what i did heh. just realised i didnt really take the impt steps but those that i had alot of waiting time for! it's really quite interesting and i had alot of fun (gee it just confirmed that chemistry is more for me than bio is). like i can SEE the changes. cells are so boring. they grow also grow more cells only. partly cos i love the theory part of chemistry also and the reactions are more visual. alot of waiting time though, spend alot of my time rotting around cos i don't even know how long i should wait for cos it's my 1st time doing. next time at least i can like bring some lit papers to read or sth. but there should be more to do when my reagents come, excites!!!

This is filtering of my warm solution into a flask soaked in an ice bath. makes my crystals come out of solution into clear and pretty crystals! makes me happy to see them transform from yellow powder to pretty crystals=D there are some white crystals that ppted before it is filtered (right picture) can't see clearly but it's really pretty heh!

okay shan't bore you with my experiments. but i feel happier now doing chem stuff. initially i was quite like okok for both but after doing the bio part i didn't really like it haha. maybe i'll tell you my verdict again after i do a sig amt of chem, but im pretty sure the answer will still be the same cos i tried quite a number of chem stuff alr(:

as it is life is pretty happy and slack now, omgosh it's almost 12midnight alr?doesnt feel like it. think cos i slept 2 hours from 4-6 just now. super piggy but i really haven't been resting for the past goodness knows how long. tmr is free day!shiok max!am going to work hard on my research proposal and presentation and read my lit readings!quite alot that i kept procrastinating thanks to lab.

and one thing that i've learnt from einstein recently, is that if you can't explain something simply, it means you don't know it well enough. so true!!! motivation to read up thoroughly on my FYP scope and maybe slightly outside of it. and also to know my pharm stuff really well so that when layman ask me questions about meds and stuff i can explain it well in layman terms yet not shortchange them on important information(: and lastly also about my religion, i've been getting alot of questions about it that i feel that i havent been answering it well although yeah i know what i'm believing in, it's not just pure faith with no reason. it's just so hard to explain sometimes! and there, to my exclamation einstein replied. so i also need to work hard on this to explain to others and to strengthen my conviction in Christ.

2011-10-07T00:52:00.003+08:00

i am so not progressing with research met. heard the seniors didnt have a CA for now. damn why wasnt i borned a year earlier (nah i dont want to, i dont want an ugly BCG button on my deltoids). i think im having a split personality today. can't make up my mind and i am going half crazy sometimes and serious at others. well mostly crazy though. and im very fidgety today. cant sit down and study rm properly. i always thought i have more aptitude for practice than for research, but i'll reconsider that after dispensing pract today. nah, im extremely elated that i dont have to do any labs for at least a wk i think(: although things usually come unexpectedly at the very last min ohwells.

i dont know what im typing. im thinking if i should go sleep now and wake up earlier to do tmr but i think i wont have the mood to study tmr either. gee im turning super lazy. yr4 is not a year when i turn 22, it's when i turn extremely lazy when it comes to academics (except fyp).

2011-10-04T21:53:00.000+08:00

wow i think i haven't posted in quite a while. well it was just a very crazy period that i guess i would recount in the past but i can't be bothered now. it was just super crazy and half my own fault for procrastinating and slacking too much. but i kind of dont really regret it haha, it's alr the last yr in uni aiya, will still study to maintain but it's also the last chance to play and play and play.

that being said, fyp is really taking so much of my time that time really flies!like what it's october already? it feels like bag just started complaining abt sept. really no day no night haha. but ohwells my mood is still pretty good recently, think cos i've settled down for fyp already and getting used to the rigor and yet have time to catch up with people(: realigning my priorities is really one of the best choice i can make, including honoring the sabbath and dedicating it to God. was just sharing about it with gareth when i saw him at the ban mian store today, and it felt really good to be able to talk about such things to people who can understand and see that they are encouraged by it too! sometimes God really place you in unexpected places to just give the timely reminder someone needs. now i can confidently say that i truly enjoy my life now that God is first and all my priorities are arranged in the correct order, God never fails to bless those who honor Him because the source of blessing and everything else is God, we can find true happiness peace and satisfaction in Him that we can find no where else(:

2011-09-28T22:13:00.001+08:00

i know i shouldn't be here in view of my contents of this post, but today is too epic to not blog about.

1st thing is that i woke up at 7+ to study drug quiz. like wth right but i had to cos i have 15 more drugs to go and i dont have much time left thanks to FYP. so i managed to study 10 drugs by 1230 and then i had to lunch and go lab to meet my sup for an experiment. the previous time i did it i took from 1-5 so i thought it should be alright this time too.

i drank a cup of coffee in the morning so i felt alright while studying for the drug quiz, but as i walked to lab the post lunch sedation set in omgosh i was so sleepy when i reached lab!

and it turns out that today is the day where everyone is snatching the plate reader. and it's a kinetic assay so everyone needs to time their reactions etc and hog the plate reader for a while so we all had to coordinate and wait for each other argh. everyone was very nice but oh well it still took longer than usual. then when i finally could start mine at 5+ the PhD student had some problems with her experiment so my sup wanted me to be cautious and do the 1 hr one 1st (my other time points were 15 and 30min), which means that now instead of finishing in 1 hr i can only finish 1.5hrs later. later she changed her mind and let me do the 15min one but due to some problems we missed the 15min one so it became 1hr anw. so i went to grab dinner and finished my dinner in 10min omgosh and drank a can of green tea so that i can still study for the drug quiz when i get back to my room.

with the hope that i'll be able to get back to my room at 7 which is not too bad, i quickly asked my sup to look at my results to see if it's ok. DEHDEH. NOT OK. there seemed to be an anormaly in one of my results and my sup wanted me to redo just that 2 wells. so i thought it was ok. THEN i realised that it wasnt only one well but that the trend was the opposite of what was expected! WALAO DAMN BIG MOUTH. in the end i had to redo the entire 2 series of drug dilutions that takes a painstaking amount of effort=( i almost cried when i realised that was what she wanted me to do cos i havent even finish studying for my drug quiz and tmr i have to go lab in the morning and my pharmD seminar is tmr dammit. i want to switch also nobody will switch with me lor. which means i can't study tmr, have to study until damn late today and still wake up early tmr for lab=( totally sleep-deprived and burnt out=( so very wu-nai-ly i redid my dilutions, trying not to think abt failing the drug quiz and how my sup rushed alana home but insisted that i finished my expt so that her reagents won't go to waste=( walao who cares about reagents when i have a test tmr and i can always do it the next time! and i was so sure that i didn't make any mistakes AT ALL although she kept saying that i may have forgotten since i did the preparation so long ago. sigh so i redid and tada the results were the same. i admit i was really excited when i re-cfmed my results but hey told ya i didn't do it wrongly. waste another 1.5 hours in the lab. freaking left the lab at 9+. but it's true that i was pretty happy when i left the lab cos at least i knew the results werent due to my fault=D that's the only consolation i guess.

argh. now u can see how epic my day is. and wish me good luck in studying for the test. i guess i can finish the 5 drugs today but i can forget about reading it for a second time=(

goodnight world, im so dazed alr.

2011-09-27T23:39:00.000+08:00

OHMYGOSH i cannot concentrate on studying for the drug quiz!!
such a test of patience man why must the monographs be so long!
and i shouldnt be telling myself it's okay to just complete half today i can do tmr because im starting lab tmr and thu before the ca there is pharmD seminar WTH i just realised?!

ahwells.

at least amidst my sighing im feeling pretty happy from everything(:
somehow although time always feels like it's running out and most of the time it's cos i've been slacking too much, i still manage to finish my stuff anw. risky but gd cos i can enjoy life HAHA.

been having alot in my head recently, and it's good to be able to share with a person or two who can truly understand my thoughts(: thank God for such pple around! i guess that being said, my last year being a student seems pretty awesome! it took me awhile to adapt, to realign my priorities and to know what i want, but i guess it's not too late heh=D there are things that can't be changed, but for those that i can, i will! like we always say, target the modifiable risk factors (omgosh zhi ye bing haha!)

i'm looking forward to 1 oct! it's the public health campaign and im excited for the chance to do it in my last yr heh. at least i'll know my stuff alr and have a chance of talking to pple! and partly also cause my horror will end on fri noon time haha!gosh thu will be a loooooooooong night for me, going out + a presentation to prepare for. unless by some miracle i manage to finish studying for my drug quiz earlier tmr HAHA!

hokay, just some rants to kill my boredom frm drug quiz. but after reading abt diseases and diagnosis and slides on medscape on some diseases earlier and completely not understanding the x rays, ECGs, whatever gram, contrast dyes, etcetc, i think im kind of glad im in pharmacy heh(:

2011-09-21T22:34:00.005+08:00

im inwards outwards upwards downwards happy all the time x2
since Jesus Christ came in, and took away my sins

im inwards outwards upwards downwards happy all the time!

heh i suddenly got reminded of this children service song i learnt when i was really young!
not sure why i suddenly thought of it, but it kind of made me pretty happy=D

i was just reflecting today how my priorities in life now is so different from what i envisioned at the beginning of year 4.
somehow i am really glad of some changes i had in my life this year.
like how i shifted to RVR, ended up with my 10th choice as my fyp, decided to do wet lab instead of clinicals, decided to go for BSF and stuck with it, joined youth choir although the practices are on sat nights, joined adult choir although it meant almost my entire sunday is gone, a resolve to somewhat dedicate my wkends to family and God, and much more. in just this short 2 months since sch started it already felt like a few mths and i could hardly rmb the start of it.

i'm glad that time is slower than what i've felt. for after this year school life will be over, how sad. you'll never know the true meaning of work-life balance until you feel the difference it makes in your life.at least after my priorities have changed, i don't think i've regretted any of my decisions i've made so far. and i feel that my life is standing on a solid rock than some shaky sandy foundation that results in me going with the flow of time and society.

that being said, my balance now is really balanced, im like out almost every night this wk! i think to most pharmacy student it's kind of NOT balanced cos it's crazy to do so with our workload haha! not only nights but some afternoons are pretty slack too gosh!i barely did anything today! when i think of what i have next week i kind of know im in deep shit but aiya who cares. not cancelling any of my appts. somehow everything will work out ok ultimately!=D

and i just have to write down an impt lesson i've learnt last week, that the extent of our forgiveness is not solely based on God's love but also on the extent to which we were forgiven. Just think of the bountiful grace of God and His mercy is writing off ALL your wrongdoings and sins although we're such unworthy people. Surely we can forgive pple who annoy us and make us angry again and again because that's what God forgives us for, us unrepentant people who sins again and again and again against Him. So before you throw the stone at somebody, examine yourself first. impt note to self(:

2011-09-17T00:29:00.005+08:00

it's the weekends!and recess week!

but sadly i still have a presentation tmr. and hearing weepin say he's going home today just made me super homesick=(

enough of the sad things, well actually there's one more. im really very sad that i dont get to play the piano that often now cos i stay in sch. if there's one reason why i would give up staying in hostel is to play my piano everyday=(
can't blame my poor playing for not having a piano with me, i should have made the effort to find one or find time to go home or go to church earlier by not driving or sth.

anw i got my present from jiahui weepin bag mah ys and mandy today!i was still thinking if they'll get me similar to what i wanted initially but jiahui say i'll never expect it so i thought it's sth else hahaha. and the card is soooo cuteeeeeee!somehow everyone is giving me age-related card this yr. maybe THEY THINK I DONT LOOK OLD ENOUGH HAHA. im how young can=DDDDD
im really glad for such friends who bother looking for a present they think i'll really like instead of trying to give me sth on my birthday haphazardly when they can't find a proper gift. heh it's really what i wanted=D this is kind of even better cos they match up the colours for you nicely alr=D THANK YOU!!!

i actually havent said much abt the presents i've received this yr,im just a tad bit lazyXD im just doing this today cos it's recess week soon! have a presentation tmr but it'll soon be over and i'll give myself a nice break over the wkends cos honestly i think i have quite alot to do this "recess" week haha.

cheers to a great week=D

2011-09-15T22:09:00.001+08:00

i forgot to blog abt MAF. as in the actual day.maybe i'll do it tmr it's like a mental note now. gee totally no mood to study!!!

2011-09-15T18:46:00.003+08:00

HO i forgot then i didn't update this space. cos immed after complaining i managed to start my engine and almost completed my entire ppt!=D and i even managed to do the research met tut although i didnt intend to do anything at the start. but now it's alittle bad cos i havent finished studying for the test tmr HAHA. last worry on my mind=D

can't wait for the test to end tmr!it would be as if my holidays are here=D
but so far i feel that the pace is just right. i kind of felt that last sem was worse, i was really doing everything super last min that on the day of tests itself i would not have finished studying haha. yeah it was that bad. so im kind of glad that im enjoying whatever free time i have now=D this 1st wk is a proof that i just dont have to worry and everything will fall into place heh. ok it may not be true but i choose to believe in God=D

live life happily!i need to savour my last yr=D

2011-09-13T20:14:00.001+08:00

iiiineeeeeeedtooooooooostarttttttttt.
my engine is super fail. i think the thing that is dragging me down is that i have no motivation to do my presentation for sat. which means procrastinating this and causing the delay of the rest lining up behind it.
gogogogogo!i can do it!and im giving myself a self-declared 1-cycle break for my lab this wk HEEHEE(:

recess week come quick!although there's alot to do also but still it's recess week!!!=DDDD

2011-09-11T22:10:00.004+08:00

a wave of homesickness overpowered me as i drove to school.
with fyp and all, sch is a place that really turns me off like crazy.
my lab is just right outside my zen spot so now i dont even feel like studying at my zen spot.
u town sb is so flooded nowadays i gave up wanting to study there.
the only motivation that propels me to do work now is deadlines.
and im not really even yielding to them.
i havent started a single thing on my presentation on sat except to open ppt and key in the content page.
i haven't started studying for PT.
that means i havent touched anything that's due after recess wk. pray hard i survive this wk 1st.
and now, home is the only comfort with my piano and my spacious living room and i just feel like nuaing there all day long. even doing work at home is more pleasant.
but alas, also not very productive. who cares now. it's my last year and other than the yr to really pia, it's actually the yr to really enjoy uni life before i pia for my entire lifetime.
although the stress does get to me but i just feel stress and do nothing LOL.

actually i feel happier now that i kan de kai really(:
now that we are really at the crossroads, i think it's time to be enlightened before it's too late. maybe it's time to pick up something new. dont know what yet but i'll see how!

after saying all these, im going to start studying PT. HAHA so much for all these bs.
at least i think i can stomach the studying better now that im in a better mood.

2011-09-10T02:49:00.000+08:00

today is a happy day!for the entire day i was feeling happier and more attentive in class.

1) i slept enough. this is one major contributing factor man! insufficient sleep makes val a bad-tempered girl.
2) my results for my lab work is out!and my new cells are growing well(:
3) i satisfied my sashimi craving! it was oh-so-good!! i'll bring you all to eat there one day!
4) it was a treat so i can save moolah=D
5) i saw the deco at clarke quay! it was so pwetty=D i should have taken pictures(:
6) i had desserts by the river which is what i really like to do! stare at bodies of water=D
7) i managed to catch up with an old friend! missed talking about piano much and take my mind off FYP!
8) i joined jiahui weepin bag xiaosao at beer market(: im really glad i did=D
9) it was TGIF and the weekends are here!
10) i get to meet my jc classmates tmr at MAF=D

2011-09-08T21:55:00.001+08:00

Creator of darkness and light, commander of wind and sea,
Maker of heaven and earth,
all that has been, all that will be,
The Lord of the day and the night will guide you all you do.
Holds you forever, keeps you from falling,
God watches over you.

Never slumbers, never sleeps, our keeper, our help and shield.
Good is the source of our strength, never to fail, never to yield.
Lift up your eyes to the hills, in search of what's right and true.
Holds you forever, keeps you from falling,
God watches over you.

God watches over you, when your footsteps falter,
God watches over you, when the day grows dim.
The Lord will keep your soul and guide you in all you do.
God watches over you.

2011-09-08T21:28:00.001+08:00

i need to be more thankful about things that happen to me.

looking back, i think i was much happier in year 1 and 2 somehow.it was like my life couldnt be better. of course i can still rmb the downs, but i was a more cheerful girl who would smile to everybody, was more optimistic etc. now i feel extremely sian everyday. i really miss staying at pgp, although sometimes supper are so late when i really want to slp but i really missed them. i felt that i lost the camaraderie and the fun that really kept my uni life going.

gosh i really am sounding like an old lady now. that time has somehow flew past and im going to work soon. looking back at my uni life (gosh why am i in such a pensive mood now), i think without my group of friends, i would have died in the course long ago, just that i never realised i would because they were there and i didn't. im not saying that now they're not, but year 4 is really such a independent and isolated and lonely year. true that u mix around with diff pple, but everyone is just so tired and feeling equally sian about everything.

since this sem started, i think my mood really fluctuated like crazy. it was ok then not ok then ok then now it's not okay. like i really really see my priorities now. i think i will next time when i go to work too.

i had a talk with someone today, it was so gloomy. it just made things even more depressing for me although i guess it is the truth. but maybe i was just in delusion for a longer time than most of my peers. i honestly don't know how to save myself. it's like i know how but my heart doesnt abide. im so broken inside, no human can fix it. my fighting spirit is almost all gone, and i just feel like giving up and hide in my own tiny world.

*edit*
on a happier note, i found my tumbler!!!!!=DDDD it really made my mood soar for the 1st time in what feels like ten thousand years! i felt so disabled without it and it really made my day=D afterall the dejection ytd (partly due to the realisation that i lost my tumbler) today is really not that bad. i managed to finish my lab fast today and it's the earliest i've reached my room in 10000years. and im going out tmr for jap food=DDDDD so happy really=DDDDD

2011-09-07T23:10:00.004+08:00

i want to complainnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
hahahahaha.
sigh. naggings really make me lost whatever interest i have left.
i really dont knw if it's a good thing or a bad thing to have a naggy sup.
on one hand u really know what u're doing,
but on the other it's alot of time wasting and unnecessary rubbish mixed in such that i forget the impt stuff. gosh now i know why we should be concise to patients. not that i didnt know that b4.
i lack sleep every single day. and to slp in till 10am on a sat alr makes me feel guilty, what kind of life is this man!sucks really.
i must persevere with God's strength!!!!!!!
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26
I can do all this through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

2011-09-07T00:25:00.001+08:00

i dont think i've ever sigh-ed so much in my life. so much so that i think im going to just give up soon. sometimes you just have to let go to find your true happiness.

2011-09-06T02:47:00.003+08:00

diplomats tend to have to be really neutral in whatever they say, taking care not to offend any party.
but it's really hard to be neutral!not saying to just be neutral on the surface but to truly believe in neutrality and not taking sides or have an opinion.
to me, (just in my opinion may not apply to you), it's really hard to say one thing and to believe in another.
when u try to be diplomatic, avoiding hurt to any party, u would probably take into consideration the opinion of those who are not on your side, because you know your side will back you up and will understand the decisions you make, while those who are not on your side will create chaos if you dont give them your assurance.
but maybe in the mean time, you end up sacrificing the feelings of those who trust in you and not living up to their trust. maybe some will still stay by you, and with a little appeasement, most who are on your side will still not change sides. the outcome: oppositions are pleased, those on your side will still stay by your side whether or not they are truly are on your side. there, diplomacy is achieved.

2011-09-04T23:08:00.000+08:00

As I stood there looking at the humongous shadow, I sensed God whispering to my heart: Renee, you can only see the shadow because you have turned away from the light. Turn back toward the light.

Slowly I turned back toward the lights above the mirror, and realized I was no longer standing in the shadow. And, I also realized I had created the shadow by blocking the light.

Shadows are created all around us when something blocks light. And so it is with the shadow of doubt. When we focus on ourselves and how inadequate we feel, or what others are thinking about us, we cast a shadow of doubt in our minds and block the light of God’s Truth in our hearts.

Yet, we were not designed to block the light or to be the light.

We were created to live in the Light, by focusing on what God thinks about us instead. I love how John the Baptist is described as “a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light.” (John 1:7-8, NIV)

And the light is Jesus Christ. Turn to Him today.

2011-09-03T23:43:00.002+08:00

I am really so tired.I can imagine that work will be like that next time too.just endless toiling all for nothing.everything is so meaningless.if I sacrifice my first class,will I be happier with more free time to spend with others?cos even when I go out with others now I feel so tired with nth much to talk about except my sad life.how sad indeed.for consolation,it's abt half a yr left b4 all this toil is over.although a fresh new level of toil will begin,but I really can't stand this life of isolation.maybe it's really really time to rethink abt my priorities.although it always has been time but better late than never.I tink I finally experience what Ecclesiastes is talking abt,not just understanding it.afterall,what's the best way to learn than to experience and learn it the hard way right.

I just wish I have better self-control,esp when I'm all tired and moody.

2011-09-01T22:55:00.003+08:00

i looked at someone's post on a lecturer, then immediately 1 lecturer came to my mind and i was like aiya he/she's like that. but after reading the comments, i realised who he/she actually is and i flinched. ohnoooooooooo i also dont understand hownowbrowncow=(

2011-08-30T17:49:00.002+08:00

just a quick one.
my 3hrs talk ytd plus 3hr talk today with ceh has made me slightly more motivated about my project.
like i dont really mind pia-ing so much now cos i feel that yes i can make it!
but i need to find some way to free up a portion of my day. maybe i should convert to doing lab at night instead haha.it's quieter and i can concentrate better with no one arnd like today haha.
and suddenly i feel like i have alot of time to do my stuff with just 1 day off. i think from now on my weds will be free entirely which is quite dumb cos it's my free day, but it's the only way i can plan my time!unless the chem part takes my weds up again haha.
and im so proud of myself im caffeine free for today! (so far cos im grabbing koi later whoo!)
been so reliant on caffeine recently that it bogs me. then i realised that actually i can survive without caffeine in lab, u know how when sth needs u to really focus then u somewhat forget ur tiredness haha. doesnt apply to reading journals though lol.

okay i said a short one so im off to read my journal hee.

2011-08-29T02:28:00.002+08:00

this weekend has been so fun!
i was happy i went for night cycling! i was really really keen to go cos i think it'll be the last time i get to go in a loooooooooooooooooooooong while so i was really glad when it was changed to fri. tue was just madness, i can't imagine not being able to sleep at 8am when i reach sch cos i gotta go lab at 8am on wed!i just totally conked out at 8am after night cycling, waking up to my alarm at 3pm only to find myself paralysed on my bed cos my entire body was aching and i have a few big blue blacks on my thighs and calves from banging myself against the bike for unknown reasons and my knees were pretty much incapable of supporting my body.after i woke up i did nothing but nuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.and ate lunch supposedly.and i just sat at my couch and watch tv which is something i havent done in a long time. and then before i went to church for choir i finally dragged myself out of the couch to vote for mr president.thankfully i didnt have to wait long. then i went for church choir which was really fun as usual and enjoyable, and then when i reach home i popped by daiso to shop abit and did someone's present HEEHEE(: it turned out quite nice i think so im quite happy heh. i love doing artwork(: so there goes my sat i slept at 12 and i actually conked out AGAIN despite my last round of slp being just 9hrs ago. i think night cycling just killed me badly. signs of ageing omgosh!

then today it was church i could barely last through sunday sch. a coffee boost during the break made me super awake during sermon (hurrah!) so at least i wasnt slping, was quite attentive heh. and then today is book sunday so some christian books were on sale and i decided to get 1 called "living the book", i was slightly hesitant cos i have so many unread books at home, but one of my resolve this yr is to read the bible properly (it's like high time) but i don't really know how to start?i dont mean like bible reading schedules but how to approach my reading and understand and apply what i read?which is what this book is all about so i just had this gan dong to buy it haha. hopefully i find time in btwn fyp to read it gosh! im not even completing my readings NOR my sch work=x that aside, i went home and played the piano abit, although there's loads of work waiting to be done but i couldnt resist cos i havent touched it for quite awhile since i stayed in sch=x and by the time i pack for hostel im out of the house again to watch a choir concert in which 2 of my church frens are performing in. the concert's really good!felt quite touched by some songs and there was one song that was so good i had goosebumps!and i was very inspired by the conductor!she was very good at expressing what she want, like even though im not in the choir and this is the 1st time im seeing her i feel i know exactly what kind of feeling she wants the piece to have?u dont have to know music to understand her actions.truly inspiring. then after that i drove back to hostel with 2 other guys of my age (there's only 3 of us of the same age) and we decided to eat supper cos we were famished. that was like at 10. went to clementi and realised there's only macs and actually it was closing at 11. so we went to one of their rooms in ntu to eat the family meal (oh gosh there's so many things, super sinful!) and ended up talking till about 1plus and then i decided if i dont go back im going to slp super late cos my hair wont dry and so will they cos they were planning to do work=x which i dont know if they're still doing work but im still awake at 3am gosh that's like my latest in eons other than night cycling. and considering i have lab tmr at 8am why am i writing all this down at this time man?! but i just had to record this so that i can grumble later on how fyp made me a no lifer soon enough. it was quite bad the last wk alr so this weekend was just an awesome break, not referring to slp at all though, im still pretty slp deprived! and a coffee addiction that im scared to kick in case i screw up my labs by dozing off while pipetting or something LOL.

and yes i have tons of work piling up. i kind of want to whine cos tmr is supposed to be hol but nus freaking dont have but i have lab in the morning, lect from 12-2 and lab in the afternoon tmr. plus bsf at night gosh i havent done the homework this is bad. i can't wait for hari raya cos although i have lab in the morning at least i dont have lects in the aftn so i can clear some work!!!im desperate for the free time cos i dont even have time to print my notes now cos im in lab before the shop opens and way after the shop closes=x sad max. okay enough ranting if not im becoming a real panda soon.nites world!

2011-08-26T18:23:00.002+08:00

Lessons from Noah’s Ark
1. Don’t miss the boat
2. Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark
3. Don’t listen to critics; get on with the job that needs to be done
4. Build the future on high ground
5. For safety’s sake, travel in pairs
6. Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs
7. When stressed, float awhile
8. The Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals
9. No matter the storm, when you are with God, there’s always a rainbow waiting

i saw this on someone's fb status (again) and i just had to copy this here, because the last sentence is just so beautiful and awe-inspiring(:

2011-08-25T21:31:00.002+08:00

想跟我吵架我没那么无聊
不懂得道歉我没那么聪明
好想要回到我们的原点

你又在哭泣我给不了安慰
我又在摇头有那么点后悔
爱情的发展已难以回头却无法往前走

但身不由己出现在胸口
两颗心能塞几个问号
爱让我们流多少眼泪

你的眼神充满美丽带走我的心跳
你的温柔如此靠近带走我的心跳
逆转时光到一开始能不能给一秒
等着哪一天你也想起
那悬在记忆中的美好

why is it that whenever i stare at that photo i feel like this is it.
well it'll never be it.

Can You Feel My World
真实的我没办法伪造
Can You Take My Hands
真诚你会感觉到

2011-08-24T20:50:00.005+08:00

You need God’s wisdom for the decisions you face.Perhaps God has placed you in a position of great responsibility,and you feel overwhelmed by the decisions you must make.It may be in your role as parent,or friend,or leader that you long for the wisdom of God.Pray that God will fill you with His Spirit of wisdom so that through the decisions you make you can live your life effectively.I felt very encouraged by Krister's fb status. Although i guess im not really that overwhelmed by my responsibilities now, but i do hope to live my life effectively and happily(: and i hope others will too!

"Give Thy servant an understanding heart to judge Thy people and to know good and evil. So God said to him, 'Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked...'" (1 Kings 3:9-12)
Learn from King Solomon(:

I also saw the following short story in my fellowship's group.
Question: Why doesn’t God answer all of Job’s (and our) questions?

This question assumes that if God answered all our questions, it would be easier to believe. This is not true. Trust goes beyond answers. Sometimes, questions become a way to avoid trust.

Take, for example, a little girl invited to jump off the stairs into her father’s waiting hands. She asks, “Will you catch me, Daddy?” He answers, “Yes, I will!” She may jump or she may proceed to ask endless versions of her first question. If she does jump, it will be more because of whom she knows her father to be than because of his answer to one of her questions. The fact that she jumps does not mean that she has run out of fears or questions; it means that her trust is greater than her fears or questions.

In the end, we must trust God more than our capacity to understand God’s ways. The lesson from Job’s experience does not forbid us from asking questions. Often these questions will lead us to the reasons for our suffering. But Job’s experience also warns us that we may not be able to understand all our suffering all the time, or even any of it some of the time.

God doesn’t answer all of our questions because we are simply unable to understand many of His answers.sometimes it just takes a little trust and faith to take the step fwd(:

2011-08-23T00:55:00.002+08:00

thanks friends, dont have to worry about me im alright(:

today was a happy day(:
i was really elated after my meeting with my FYP sup, she's super awesome and nice and organised and better than what i could have wished for!
my only complain is that i dont have a focus for my project yet, but like she keeps reassuring me,
everything will just fall into place in the end=D
and because she's super organised and systematic i know i can trust her words=D
i dont feel like a FYP student under her; i feel like im just one of her other graduate student and she treats all of us the same in terms of sharing info (my lit review is minimal man!as in those that i have to find myself. those that she gave me it's a mountain) and her expectations of presentation, yet at the same time she knows that it's crucial for FYP to have results in a short period of time (so hurrah im definitely going to have results in fact prob in this sem) and then for the harder parts she's leaving it to the back when im more familiar with stuff! i love how she organises my timeline for me (somewhat) and do things step by step to take caution not to overload me too much at the start but yet at the same time stating her expectations of what i should know and look out for along the process so that i know what to do at each time point although i have the freedom to arrange my chem part around my bio part as she puts it. her meetings are always straight to the point and extremely systematic and the links are so logical and well explained that i have no problems accepting and understanding everything that she said and planned. she's very good at managing her team too!no wonder her students/staff all love working under her(: and im also following this super nice masters student. despite my almost non-existent chem knowledge and lab knowledge for synthesis she just teaches me everything really patiently cos she said she took quite long to get a hang of everything too! every small small thing she'll just teach me and even if i ask "stupid" questions again she'll still answer me with the same patience!omgosh im so blessed really=D

and my sups are really hilarious on email. can't really tell that c chai is like that but the way she and ceh converse is just hilarious!!!makes my entire FYP really enjoyable and more lighthearted and less stressful!!praise God really!!!=D

although i guess FYP will still be pretty stressful despite all this but i guess it could be worse!thank God for His grace(: it's a really happy day worth rmbing cos it'll keep me going for quite awhile!(:

2011-08-22T00:46:00.002+08:00

had a good time with different groups of people today.
although im not feeling too well but i still felt much better than a few days before(:
very contented with my life today.
as for tomorrow, i'll leave it in the hands of my Heavenly Father(:

2011-08-19T23:51:00.004+08:00

i am so irritable nowadays.
no idea why but im happier when im alone.
OMGOSH HOW CAN THAT BE VAL.
oh actually not really also la. i am quite happy with my friends too(:
i guess i'm just have to chillax abit more.
life isn't that bad really(:

i think on any other day, i would definitely have liked this photo alot. it's so calm and sharp and pretty...but down-to-earth and realistic.

but for today, the photo below has some sort of appeal to me, like it's beckoning me to a world of fantasy and dreams and i kind of want to answer its call.

2011-08-17T17:48:00.003+08:00

i just came back to my room after a pretty slack day with no lessons and just hanging out with different groups of people. and i felt differently after the different encounters. dont know how to explain but i guess we can say that everyone is just different and so your friendship with different pple will be different? i think i can be really slow at understanding how relationships work and how people feel when they hang around me because i guess, im just quite insensitive to all these things. not because i dont care, i just can't read body language maybe?

and then when i opened my email today, i saw kaye's email reply(: i don't know why, but i felt touched enough to cry even before i read the contents and after i read it i felt really happy for her(: it's like i kind of understand why she wanted NOC so badly and what she is experiencing there without me being there although she didn't describe that much. maybe if i had faced myself i would have wanted NOC very badly too. although i'm not that interested in the business part, but the experienced gained while being kind of alone overseas away from my mundane typical student life and the stigmas of society and family would be very dear to me indeed.

the devotion i read today was also very thought-inducing. it was about leaving things uncompleted when u're just a few steps to the finishing line. like putting stationeries back in place after using it, folding clothes and putting it into the drawer instead of leaving it on top of the drawer, washing the dishes immediately after the meal instead of putting it in the sink only... it's little things like that, that really cultivates the act of being mediocre instead of finishing with excellence for even bigger things. i always think it's alright to leave my room cluttered as long as i know where everything is, but i learnt now that it may have influenced the way i live my life. Small things that i tell myself, it's alright la, just led me to adopt the "anything" attitude towards bigger things: my personality, my service, my relationship with God, my relationship with humans, my job, my life. have i really set time apart to really clear up my thoughts and to know what i really want in life? do i know my focus and what are my priorities? do i know how much i do love God and how much i want to serve Him? have i been haphazard in reading the bible and doing my BSF homework?

Dear Lord, thank You for demonstrating finishing well through the life of Jesus. I know Jesus could have stopped short of paying the price for my salvation. But He didn’t. For that I will be eternally grateful. Please help me push through mediocrity in my life and explore the fullness You long to bring. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

this is the prayer in the devotional, and i hope to make it mine too.

btw, i did think what matters to me in my life. family. i just want it to be happy and peaceful.

2011-08-17T15:27:00.002+08:00

the reality of FYP starting soon hasn't really kicked in and i'm quite glad it hasnt haha.
although i'll definitely try my best to read up as much as possible before i meet my sup,
but now i just feel like reading my story book and watching my dramas heehee(: like what's wrong with that right, i wont be able to do it for a year omgosh but im sure it'll be worth it(:
i need to set a correct positive mindset regarding FYP and make the best out of it! i still found it crazy that i chose to do wet lab but i dont really regret my choice since i've alr chosen it heh(:

hopefully i'll be able to juggle my time and manage it wisely. and pray for wisdom on whether i should take PR5211!maybe i'll just take it for fun.like sit in for lectures haha.

2011-08-15T23:59:00.002+08:00

i keep staring at PR5211 and telling myself no val you're going to kill urself on the exam day, rmb nat heri last year?
but omgosh i want to takeeeeeeee!
unfortunately i concluded that if i take this and not drop com med it'll still be counted in my cap although i have extra MCs!so hmm dilemma!
but i realised unless i do super badly for all my mods this sem my cap shouldn't be the worry.
then i think of my workload and i feel abit crazy.
HOWNOWBROWNCOW?=(
super duper tempted.

2011-08-09T15:40:00.002+08:00

this year's birthday has been awesome!
somehow every yr there'll be some shitty unforgettable moments but this yr it's been relatively peaceful(: well maybe that's cos the shit came 1 week before!

anyhow, i had a wonderful time starting with saturday! (that is, when my birthday celebration starts!)

i am abit lazy to go into details heehee, just wanna write sth for memories sake.

saturday
i went to sentosa with zhihao jocelyn and shueli.
it was super fun!
ate lunch at seah im, walked the boardwalk into sentosa.
i got to soak in the water which is something i really love to do under the sun heehee (they BOUGHT clothes cos i forgot to say i wanted to get wet earlier so touched!)
then we played the luge, ate icecream (freaking 4.50 for cornetto), watch ifly(the stunt was really cool!), took picture with the singapore flag and heart shape, watched 4D pirates, ate dinner at chillis (the food was not bad!) and ate my 1st birthday cake (a lava cake), played a 2nd round of luge and walked back to the main island through the boardwalk which was really pretty at night with all the lights!
and im lazy to upload photosXD

sunday
dinner with rachel cheryl zhixin evon at sweet dynasty!
although i loved the company and the food but the crowd happened to be exceptionally noisy that day and we couldnt really hear each other talk omgosh so annoying.
so we left for vivo for desserts at a HK cafe forgot the name. where i ate my 2nd cake heehee.omgosh the photo is super unglam thanks to rachel anyhow feed!i feed the rest until how glam can!then we went to take pictures at the boardwalk cos it's so pretty heehee(: did stupid things like trying to do some stupid action to ask the crepe guy what time does it open cos we didnt want to walk into the shop (no we didnt actually do it in the end), and making rachel jump on 10 lights on the floor at 1 shot cos they change colour.

monday
it's my birthday!fortunately or unfortunately for weepin weeboon yongsheng weixian xinyi cheryl xiaohui they were made to climb bukit timah hill with me muahahahahaha because this suaku here has never climbed it before in the 22 years of her life.so pathetic hahaha.
it was quite fun actually!we didn't take the main trail because xiaohui knew another path. it went up and down all the time and it was pretty muddy cos of the rain the day before i guess. i was alright until the super steep part where there's alot of stairs. my heart gave up i tell u. after a while i had to rest cos i was panting so badly heehee. result of not exercising for the full 3 months of holidays gosh! when i finished that steep climb i totally tachycardia-ed. can feel my intracranial pulse pounding lol.super chui. but finally we were at the summit yayy!!!got a sense of satisfaction really=D on our way we saw alot of old aunties and uncles who overtooked us.we so lousy heehee.but i kind of wished we climbed abit slower so that we can stop to look around instead of looking at the step ahead of us all the time. it was still fun anyway and i enjoyed the climb=D=D

then it was chilling at bag's house before going to pepperoni pizza at binjai park for lunch!lunch was pretty awesome!we had the 21 inch XXL pizza super shiok!their pizza is like timbre's, i wouldn't say it's super awesome but it's good!for awesome pizza go skinny pizza i really love their unique flavours that are super fragrant and savoury!then we cabbed to chinatown for 10dollar ktv!i was thinking why the other half took so long to come but it was cos they went to island creamery to get cake for me!!it was super yummy i love it thanks=DD just abit hard to eat cos it melts on my tissue haha. can i recommend awfully chocolate chocolate banana cake that's just around the corner next time?heehee so greedy. it's just easier to eat la cos not icecream. i really really love the island creamery cake otherwise!!<3<3

kbox was fun as usual!somehow everyone sang better this time compared to the last time, maybe cos it's in the aftn and not at night when we're all super tired alr. love all their singing!all sing so nice my ears were very blessed ytd heehee(: got andy lau with me and xinxin's super nice voice and xiaohui's mini concert haha. and i got to hear cheryl and weixian sing also heehee(: and my usual kbox khaki bag and weepin with their jing dian ge qu that i always like to listen to them sing heehee(:

then at bsf after group sharing they sang a birthday song for me too!we took a group photo again and i had a card from audrey!

then i went to find my mum at her workplace and there was a unit selling korean earrings next to my mum's unit. i was talking to the auntie who was asking my age, then i just shunbian tell her i just turned 22 today haha. so she sold a pair of earrings to my mum at cost price!!whee super cute!it was the exact 2 charms that bag bought for his friend but it's wayyyyy cheaper heehee(: love it!

and i went home to open all my presents!thanks shue zhihao jocelyn xinxin neohneoh and xiaohui!!i really love all ur presents=DDD really pleasant surprises=DDD
thanks everyone!!!! for making my birthday this yr so happy!

and the last thing i did was to reply my fb wishes.it was crazy omgosh i didn't realise pple still use fb to wish pple so much!me for one usually dont bother to wish unless im close to the person haha oops. but im still happy to see the wishes! thanks alll!=DDD

2011-08-04T22:57:00.002+08:00

i feel blessed with friends.
sometimes i feel that i don't treasure my friends enough.
but im thankful for every single one of you you you and you!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FRIENDS, I FEEL LOVED<3

2011-08-01T08:54:00.002+08:00

i wake up in the morning..
just to get nagged at.
i want to write so much more but i think i'll stop here.

2011-07-30T11:29:00.002+08:00

preceptorship is finally over.
i leave ncc with mixed feelings,
it's really a long story.
like what mummy sham said,
through this experience i know what i want to be and what not to be.
and sometimes we just have to not work too hard but to do our best.
that we are accountable to God and not to men.

i just cant believe that...
ohwells.decided not to say it here.
but i was very affected by it,
gosh i need to take things with a more open heart.

on a happier note, i was extremely touched by my o/p colleagues!
i was crying so much because i truly felt their concern and their sincerity(:
so maluating hahahaha.
now i'll just have to move forward and continue to do my best and be me!(:

2011-07-24T23:58:00.002+08:00

HEEHEE MY NEW BUY!
cant believe i still got time to shop now that it's preceptorship.
well actually i bought it at compasspoint while going there to print some photos and buy dinner.
which took me only less than 2 hours?
i kind of went there with a list of stuff to do alr so i took pretty fast for everything=D
anw i bought this cos my face is peeling from the aircon all day long!
and i have some allergic reaction to dont know which seafood which is another story
that gave me rashes on my upper chest, neck and chin area!! D:
now i know how that patient with acneiform rash felt and his was 10x worse than mine=x
anw i got even dryer skin thanks to the allergic reaction too somehow.
so i decided to get this after i was reminded how effective it was for me when i was in europe=D
hopefully it works!!! im getting annoyed at the dryness heh.

2011-07-23T12:14:00.002+08:00

WHUTTTT NO PKTK???*bish*
it's not cos of the lecturers, im not really interested in the content of other electives!!!!
geez.
the list under the pharm dept mod electives is so deceiving.
they have so many nice modules that they didn't put it this time,
leaving us with all the not so clinical stuff.
medchem they put up the comp one instead of the bioorganic one which i wouldnt have minded.
so got no more choice liao.
aiya, need to bid then see how bah lol.

2011-07-20T22:04:00.003+08:00

super tired.
these few days i keep falling asleep immediately after dinner.
it's damn bad cos i have a mini test on fri but i just keep wanting to sleep.
solution: gotta study at work! sometimes i rather pack or observe but bobian only during work im awake (how ironic)
sleeeeepi.
after the case presentation my motivation to do homework plunged like crazy.
gee i just dozed off in front of the comp for a few minutes again.
keep doing that.
no good val, gotta keep going!

2011-07-18T23:17:00.002+08:00

instead of doing some self study that is kind of required for o/p but not demanded of me
i decided to stop for awhile (actually i've been nuaing ever since my case presentation was over)
and ponder about the issues that i've always have with myself.

i feel kind of abit weird saying my thoughts abt myself here, but aiya heck.

it goes that i always like to compare myself with others.
it's not necessarily in a competitive way,
but i dont like to present myself as better or worse than my partner/peers in front of mentors etc.
so i'd rather hold back my soap if my partner hasnt done it yet, and i certainly dont mind sharing the answers i've found so that we'll kind of be on equal grounds.
then i realised that you can be equal in the academics,
but our characters will still show the difference.
sometimes i ask myself,
is it better to be more quiet serious and consistent
or to be smiley, outspoken and confident?
it's kind of difficult to strike a balance,
i can be either but not both.
i can see the adv of both la,
so i guess i'll conclude that i should just be myself
and accept the evaluation no matter what the grade is.
i keep telling myself to try my best for this preceptorship cos that's how work life is going to be like in the future, but in the end the best still wasnt ideal.to me la.that's just me, always having crazy expectations of myself. but again i wouldn't be discouraged or dejected by my performance this time, i'll be sure to do better when im out as a pre-reg!=D

anyway, after stopping not to only see the good points of others but also my own, i've realised that to each his/her own. instead of feeling inferior to others, i should work on my good points and make them better!afterall each indiv is different so that we can complement each other to make a good team!=D

and after saying so much, im once again too lazy to do my self study. all my resolve in doing the drug DI workup is gone with the wind.sandman, here i come!

2011-07-17T21:58:00.001+08:00

LOLOLOL.thanks to all the seniors that added him.
i just thought it was amusing that it would even appear in that column.
not that i havent found him previously ahahaha im a stalker.
XD

2011-07-14T22:39:00.002+08:00

i took a 10min nap.
that becoame 2 hours.
or rather, that almost became my night's sleep.
only to set my alarm, dry my hair andtake a sip of water
and write this here,
and im goign to bed alr.
gosh!dont know why i feel so tired today.
thankfully tmr's just attending talks. which means that it'll be quite intensive also!
at least im sitting there and listening.
the hardest work i'll have to do is to TRY AND STAY AWAKE.
that's how tough.

okay cranky me is typing alot of rubbish.
goodnights.

2011-07-13T23:56:00.001+08:00

today is a crazy insane day in which i was awake for 21hours.
at least my presentation is over and it was alright.
ok the clock just striked 12.
goodnights world im going to concuss.

2011-07-13T06:03:00.001+08:00

gosh i cant believe i woke up at 3am to finish my presentation.
pray hard that it'll be alright later!
*fingers crossed*
at night, i just need a good night's sleep(:

2011-07-10T14:13:00.003+08:00

before i go back to my case, just gotta jot down the 2 events that happened today.

1) today, one of the uncles in church who used to fetch me around when i didn't have a car and who fetch me to malaysia for the church retreat passed me an envelope. in it was a singapore-brunei $20 note. i was shocked i tell u!i was like, so stunned i didn't know whether he meant to let me see see or to keep it but i kept it 1st cos it was weird to take out to see in front of the rest. so paiseh!! at the same time i was very touched. the reason why he gave it to me was cos he kind of knew i collected old money (well actually i dont, i just have a poorly maintained stash kept in the original state as how my grandfather passed it to me). on the was to the msia retreat, which was mid june this yr, i was just talking to his son who was collecting 5cent coins in the hope that it will be valuable when it becomes obselete like 1cent coins. so i was just joking and said why not collect $1 coin also gold colour but more valuable haha. then not sure why we all started talking about collecting notes and i just mentioned the stack that my grandfather gave me, which had the old sg $20 note, the one with the bird. and the uncle asked if i have seen the sg brunei $20, which i havent. and the convo kind of stopped there, and i kind of forgot abt it until he passed me the $20 today. so touched! it kind of motivated me to get like a notes collection book of some sort to organise my grandfather's stack of notes, to preserve them in a better condition!

2) on my way home in the multistory carpark, there was a sports car in front of me. that driver, was apparently having problem with the turbo or what im not sure, but i think he had problem controlling the turbo while cornering up the slope. he kind of did all the sharp turns very abruptly, always having to break after stepping on the turbo, or sth like that. it was very awkward to watch him drive. then it came to a level where there was a car that was waiting at the corner where you have to turn up to the next story. the car was actually not really obstructing the way cos it was really at the corner corner already, and my carpark isnt that narrow.but the sports car just kept high beaming the poor car, which i kind of watched in amusement. then suddenly the sport car reversed ON TURBO. I CHUA TIO I TELL YOU COS I COULDNT REVERSE WITH A CAR BEHIND ME.luckily he stopped just in time without hitting my car phew. unable to stand his pathetic control of the car, i overtook him (see my carpark isnt narrow at all) and went up first, with the car behind me following suit. u can say that my car is small but the car behind me was a camry if im not wrong. so after parking and leaving the story, i saw a guy in his twenties stepping out of the sports car, WEARNG THE AH PEH WHITE SINGLET gosh how sporty is that. so feeling really amused i was already on the 1st floor when i heard from upstairs "bye kanchiong spider". i didnt even pause my footstep or respond to it but honestly i was feeling all the more amused by it lol! i was just protecting my own safety really, cos if i stayed longer i wonder if my car would have a dent now or sth. or maybe my eyes would be blinded by the high beam. he was seriously high beaming the car in front at a super near distance and for abt 30sec or so, not intermittent k, it was most of the time on than off haha. that poor car. if he roused me enough i was turn around and give him a sickly smile and a sincere advice to learn how to handle his car better to avoid causing inconvenience to others.seriously.im so highly amused that i don't even feel angry at him cos it's not worth my anger haha!

so those were the 2 incidents. and just one last thing before i return to my case, i think it's really a blessing that i get to study her problem in detail. because i would kept her in my mind day and night all the time to do up the presentation and look out for relevant info. it's not all the time that we're so blessed to spend so much time "caring" or planning a treatment or to evaluate a treatment plan for a more unusual/rare condition. i would just want to request for a prayer for my "case", because my "case" is a real life patient who really needs a prayer from anyone who would bother to pray for her. can't reveal much, but she's pregnant with breast cancer, just pray that both she and the baby would be safe(: May God's healing hands be on her!thanks to all kind souls out there!=D

2011-07-09T14:13:00.002+08:00

LOL my bro got puked on by some drunkard on his way to work today suay.

his complaint: walao i didn't even puke even though i drank damn alot ytd night, then today morning kena puke on my way to work!

i couldn't stop laughing when i heard his complaint cos...

he DID puke ytd night HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
i was going to bathe when i heard him puking in the toilet lol!
and he still used the spray to wash the toilet floor and the toilet bowl (he was wondering how on earth could he still do that HAHA)
which resulted in some puke residue on the spray handle yucks!
he kind of did it in a haste because he heard my mum's voice (that was on retrospect when i reminded him today)
and acted normal and changed his clothes when he saw my mum lol!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
i couldnt stop laughing when i recounted the whole incident to him today, who was almost absolutely clueless and could only recall things backwards gradually.
hangover amnesia, seriously.

and i extorted some macs twister fries from him for keeping it from my mum HAHA.
such a cheapo meXD

now, back to doing my case presentation. i think im going to be pretty knowledgeable (i wouldn't claim to be an expert cos it's prob only the tip of the iceberg) in pregnancy and also in breast cancer soon, it's pretty cool reallyXD but what's below the iceberg is pretty large, especially when they are combined, undiscovered by anyone else, so complicated!pray hard that i'll survive the bullet shots during the presentation!

2011-07-08T19:19:00.002+08:00

i am so disappointed in myself!
although i am sick but haiz doesnt warrant my poor attitude.
so torn between going to work and staying at home to rest for these 3 days cos it's the last 3 days at ambulatory care and i wanted to make the most out of it. and supposed to go for ward rounds with ac today. in the end he sprained his ankle zzz mei you yuan fen.

spend almost my whole day doing my case presentation. it was exceptionally sian for me because i don't really have to do my case there since i dont have to use any of the systems there already, could have done it at home at my own time. and i just wanted to spend abit more time there experiencing whatever i would only get to experience there before i go to outpatient. i tried explaining it to my preceptor but i think i did a bad job explaining. think he dont get what i mean haha. but he's right also that i don't have much time to do my case already so should make use of my time there to do.

so now i feel damn guilty, cos talk halfway then we got interrupted. so i didn't manage to clear the air. having a steaming brain doesnt really help in thinking straight either. i was shivering and chattering one moment and sweating the next! screwed up thermostat damn. sigh. nvm, i'll jiayou for the weekends and do a good job for my presentation!hopefully i can rush it out in time, there's like tonnes to read!

jiayou val you can do it!=D

2011-07-06T20:25:00.002+08:00

the past few days have been crazily busy. but still i was enjoying myself very much because i got to try new things and learn new things(:

1) dispense
2) breast and lymphoma ward rounds
3) studied a leukemic patient
4) medication review management for elderly
5) tmr im going for clinics with the doctor
6) tmr im going to experience a realtime med review
7) someday later will be learning about clinical trials (they're pretty huge in ncc)

right now im abit overloaded.
1) my case presentation is next wed but i was only given the case file today gosh! it's relatively simple, but just see how much other stuff i have to do to know that my sleep is going to be sacrificed.
2) dr chan is giving us a quiz on drug info next tue (WTH 1 day before my presentation?!). gotta check out 9 reference books and what they provide
3) dr chan gave us homework to do, and SHUNBIAN read 2 chpts of dipiro. plus the one i have to read for my case, that's 3 to be read today oh.my.

i can see my weekend burning out whoo. my health is kind of not gd now (daily multivits didn't quite help), just praying i dont get a fever, don't wanna miss any day at work!

okay, can't spend alot of time here.ciao!

2011-07-03T16:01:00.002+08:00

another week down!

hmm, this week hasnt been altogether great,
lots of downs, but only with the downs then you'll realise how ups some things are(:

1) my awesome partner lovelove!
xiaohui is such an awesome partner i tell you.
not sure why our paths never really crossed before this,
but we actually have quite alot of similarities and work quite well with each other(:
like how anal we are about small things like formatting haha,
to our likes, dislikes and character,
i think we complement each other pretty well!
of course we influence each other sometimes in weird ways,
our small habits unknowingly being assimilated into each others habits
super amusing and makes work alot more enjoyable!
and she's always very supportive when im not in the best of mood!
like we always say to each other, kam xia very much xiaohui!!!

2) our awesome papa
HAHA, we have a papa who is older than us by about 7-8 years.LOL.
he teaches us with utmost patience,
never made us feel stupid
always showing us about things in a very systematic way
willing to listen to us and all our nonsense
quite serious but never ever loses his temper or sound impatient
will joke sometimes to make us feel less stressed when we talk about our case
willing to share with us about his own experiences and resources
and while he was commenting that recently he's abit busier cos the rest are on congress and he still has to look out for us, he still said that it's not our fault and that he's here to teach us AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! he was saying it so sincerely you bet me and xiaohui were really touched by it(:
the only one who would notice us around AND say something to us
without him we're like orphans haha
i could go on and on and on,
he's definitely on par with EC and HHK!

3) the PTs!
honestly, they are so much more friendly to us than the pharmacists in general!
always joking to us
and whenever they see us, they will always greet us with a bright smile and a morning!
the morning! is really with the exclamation mark, super cute man all of them(:
not that ALL pharmacists ignore us la, there are still some that would smile at us sometimes haha.

4) the patients
nownow, im sure you all would already know that this is not a generalisation
there are really annoying and rude patients
but most of them really make our day!!
very cooperative and open about sharing their condition with us
saying that if reading the case files would help then go ahead and read them
asking us if we have anymore questions for them because they would help us as much as possible
wishing us all the best in our studies
and waving bye to us
shoooooooooooooo cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
they really put a smile to my face and spur me on in my pursuit to be a good pharmacist(:

5) i am feeling more positive about stuff!
i think i am a very emotionally driven person,
easily influenced by the mood of others and the entire atmosphere
so thankfully i dont feel dejected for a long time(:
im pretty much alright over the wkends already!
and ready to believe that next week it'll be even better,
with more exposure to different things waiting for us!
there's also the spc congress this coming weekend,
with the friday seminars held at ncc (so i'll probably get to attend=D)
and i have no homework over the wkends hurrah
so i get to read up stuff about cancer that i want to find out(:
honestly, oncology is a really interesting field!
compared to just learning ur stuff off lecture notes,
when u read up yourself and get all the description and details
it makes everything more interesting and applicable(:
and to see it being applied in the real life setting drills the info in even more!

im really excited now! praying hard for an exciting week next week=DD

2011-06-30T20:22:00.002+08:00

have u ever thought of the bible like an owner's manual? just to read it to rescue yourself in times of needs, never to fully prepare yourself well for life's tests.

man i do. sadly. only when we need comfort, need help, need God, then we open the bible to some random page in the hope that we would chance upon a verse that would be useful to us. but if i was already equipped with God's word, i would definitely save myself from alot more trouble and sadness in the 1st place.

it's so difficult to persevere, but i will! because God preserves His children(:

and yes, similarly i would persevere in work, because it can only get better, and if it doesn't, God will take me through(:

anw today was a good day, cos mine and xiaohui's papa is back=D without him we're like orphans!

2011-06-28T19:56:00.001+08:00

1st setback.
then again i should have expected it right, it's already the 2nd week.
but all the more i will jiayouuuuuu!
valval is a da bu si de ~~zhang lang~~ girl=D

i can do it!!!!!!!

2011-06-26T20:31:00.002+08:00

other than readings and more readings, my weekend had a bit of spice from a chit chat session with my mum.

not sure why, she started telling me abt how she never had a lack of suitors when she was young, sounds as if she's the only woman left in sg or sth LOL.
but that's not the interesting part, it was how my dad 1st knew my mum. they were working at factories in the same vicinity. the 1st time he saw my mum, it was at the common bustop. i tell you, he used a damn cheesy pickup line LOLOLOLOLOL.
hello miss, which bus goes to Jurong?
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.me and my mum couldn't stop laughing,
CAUSE MY DAD LIVED IN JURONG LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
my mum still just ben3ben3 give him directions then they took the bus together.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
can't stop laughing buay tahan!

today, on my way back from ntuc, i saw a young couple holding hands. i was like okay. THEN i saw an old ahgong ahma holding hands.
AWWWWWWWWWWW!
they were super cute man!walking together like dating couples do.
AWWWWWWWWWWW!

haha im feeling abit da crazy now,
that reminds me of the crazy times i have with xiaohui.
like she wrote on facebook, it's really synergistic man.
we add onto each others crapiness and stupidity and compulsionsXD
thank God she's my partner=D

2011-06-26T00:57:00.002+08:00

the week just flew past=D

although i really enjoyed myself during the week at work, i must say im thankful for the weekends! i was planing to pia all my homework 1st then enjoy the rest of my wkends, but laziness ruled my bodyXD so i treated myself to jap drama and piano and surfing the net while doing my homework haha!

work has been so fun that im seriously tempted to join ncc haha! but it's good that i can get to see the world for 4yrs 1st before i commit myself to a specialty, never know if i'd like anything else right! i honestly wouldn't mind working like heart or eye or skin centre too, just like to specialise cos it's better to focus on 1 thing and learn it more in depth, rather than throwing your concentration all over the different diseases! there's just so many nitty gritty i don't even feel that i can finish learning all the cancer stuff in these 6 weeks, so there!

that being said, im actually taking things as it comes! although ncc sounds very slack, but when i do my work i try to do my best and as well as i can! not compromising on lunch time or work hours thoughXD might stay back abit to just edit certain stuff, but ncc closes at 6 anw!lol! not that i stay back alotXD when i go back home, i would slack 1st until abt 9 then i start on my homework (if there isn't alot, if not must start earlier). sometimes abit sleep deprived la but coffee saved the day heehee=D

okay, enough abt work, im tired!goodnights world!

2011-06-22T22:37:00.002+08:00

i think i know why i like NCC so much.
or rather, why i would like my job as a hospital pharmacist.

1) i love to learn about new things. i think i am innately curious. and hungry for more knowledge. so to be able to learn new things and see new cases each day spurs me on. i can sleep for 5hours without feeling tired the whole day (of course with 1/2 cup of coffee in the morning), when i still feel sleepy with 10hours of sleep during the holidays.

2) i love to talk. well i guess sometimes it depends on my mood and the environment, i tend to feel abit awkward and shy in new environments, but NCC is awesome, nice people, nice place, so by today im already feeling quite my normal chatty self haha. and everyone is so willing to help you log into the system, answer every single small question (not 1 word answers but explain to you on the paper with illustration, spell out for you and even search the resources and case files for you). the patients, as long as they havent been harrassed by other students, are pretty open to sharing with us their condition, although it must not have been easy on them; not all cancer patients are that old you know.

i think these 2 reasons are sufficient to sustain me for a long way to go, cos they'll always be present in my career!=D although it's definitely different when i work compared to now because there will be less time to learn (got to know your stuff already!) but there are always new drugs and stuff coming up! and less relaxing of course heh!

looking forward to the rest of the 6weeks=D

2011-06-21T20:10:00.002+08:00

i love ncc!
so far everything's been quite good,
the staff there are so nice and helpful!
the pharmacists, PTs and nurses are all very willing to help and will always say hi (it's only the 2nd day and we're like old friends)
although everything requires you to take initiative, like approaching patients, nurses etc, but that means that we have a lot of autonomy in making decisions and planning our time!
they don't really watch over us when we interview patients or browse through case files or reading patients notes in the comp, basically everything haha.
it took me a while to orientate and get use to all the initiative taking and approaching people, but all the warmth just made it all the easier to get into the flow of things(:
everyone is so willing to explain things to us! the nurses i followed tried her best to explain whatever i ask, be it related to her job or not. the patients that we approached so far are quite willing to talk to us (of course not all of them) and some just kept talking to us that we paiseh to leave haha!but it's quite fun to talk to them though, i think im just a chatterbox by natureXD

okay.gotta do work gosh. so much homework!actually i kind of brought it onto myself, my notes that i scribbled as so messy i just feel the need to transcribe them neatly onto microsoft word.bth.heh.im so enjoying myself, never expect myself to like work!damn, i'll be working in the neighbour compound though, now i know where i'd want to go after i finish my 3yr bond!