i read my bible study notes today and i reflected on my life:


God quietly looks on from His dwelling place, watching His purposes for the nation unfold. Have you ever wondered how your frenzied activities and desperate alliances look to God as He views them from His dwelling place?

Sometimes i see myself as a superhero girl, no matter what happens at home, at school, wherever, i can always come out with the solution to things and make things right. When troubles come, being the efficient me, immediately i will troubleshoot it with my own strength and wits if it is within my means, and think of all means and ways to make it right. I take up 139585025 things each sem, knowing somehow i can juggle everything and handle my core responsibilities as student and children at the same time. All the time i busied myself with the 109342383 things, God just sits there in his big arm chair, and prob look at the sweating, flustered, troubled me with amusement.

maybe it's time to take a break. i've always said that but it never happens to me. perhaps because if i were to one day drop all my activities, i would find out how empty and meaningless my life is.

So it says in Ecclesiastes 1:2
“Meaningless! Meaningless!”
says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless.”

we always like to use this verse in a joking manner,
more so in the analogy of sour grapes.
when we can't get something in life,
we console ourselves saying,
aiya, meaningless! meaningless! it's okay!

perhaps the reason why i never took it seriously,
or rather, view it in another perception.

i struggle, with knowing all these and the futility of my flustered life, and also my physical need being part of this world. it is never easy to draw the line or strike a perfect balance. i think i would be happier if i had the true peace and true happiness from God, but the inertia to push myself past that line!

In Ecclesiastes 3:11, Solomon actually puts his finger on why happiness is so elusive: He says, "God has set eternity in the hearts of men." We're made for something that will last forever, and nothing that doesn't last forever will ever fill the hole in our heart. In fact, we were made for a personal relationship with God, the only One who's big enough to fill that hole because that hole was made for Him.

there, everything points towards the need of every human, to fill our hole with the eternal. seek ye 1st the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be given unto you. this is the answer to balance i guess. God is not asking us to give up on this life or our physical needs, but to rearrange our priorities such that we can gain true peace and happiness and enjoy the life God has given us. but humans like me are just to short sighted, and despite knowing all these and having constant reminders, it really isnt that easy to have a paradigm shift especially when life seems pretty good now. and hence the 2nd passage in the devotion gave me the answer:

God called His people to believe in Him, but when they preferred security by association with people in the world, He sometimes removed their false security so that, undistracted, they would trust Him again.

i kind of things that's what's happening to me now. people only cry for help when they're in trouble. in good times, they will grow proud and complacent and forget their benefactor. the more prideful and the more power and knowledge you have, the harder it is to bring you down to a point where you would cry for help. so God removed all my false securities. my friends, my family, my achievements, my pride, etc. He humbled me (although i've a long way to go to be truly humble), He made me cry out to Him more than ever, He made me realise my iniquities. but God never stops there. He will be the one carrying me through. where you used to see 2 sets of footprints, now there's only one. because He'll carry me through.

+ val-* @ 2:08 PM

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