i just came back to my room after a pretty slack day with no lessons and just hanging out with different groups of people. and i felt differently after the different encounters. dont know how to explain but i guess we can say that everyone is just different and so your friendship with different pple will be different? i think i can be really slow at understanding how relationships work and how people feel when they hang around me because i guess, im just quite insensitive to all these things. not because i dont care, i just can't read body language maybe?

and then when i opened my email today, i saw kaye's email reply(: i don't know why, but i felt touched enough to cry even before i read the contents and after i read it i felt really happy for her(: it's like i kind of understand why she wanted NOC so badly and what she is experiencing there without me being there although she didn't describe that much. maybe if i had faced myself i would have wanted NOC very badly too. although i'm not that interested in the business part, but the experienced gained while being kind of alone overseas away from my mundane typical student life and the stigmas of society and family would be very dear to me indeed.

the devotion i read today was also very thought-inducing. it was about leaving things uncompleted when u're just a few steps to the finishing line. like putting stationeries back in place after using it, folding clothes and putting it into the drawer instead of leaving it on top of the drawer, washing the dishes immediately after the meal instead of putting it in the sink only... it's little things like that, that really cultivates the act of being mediocre instead of finishing with excellence for even bigger things. i always think it's alright to leave my room cluttered as long as i know where everything is, but i learnt now that it may have influenced the way i live my life. Small things that i tell myself, it's alright la, just led me to adopt the "anything" attitude towards bigger things: my personality, my service, my relationship with God, my relationship with humans, my job, my life. have i really set time apart to really clear up my thoughts and to know what i really want in life? do i know my focus and what are my priorities? do i know how much i do love God and how much i want to serve Him? have i been haphazard in reading the bible and doing my BSF homework?

Dear Lord, thank You for demonstrating finishing well through the life of Jesus. I know Jesus could have stopped short of paying the price for my salvation. But He didn’t. For that I will be eternally grateful. Please help me push through mediocrity in my life and explore the fullness You long to bring. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

this is the prayer in the devotional, and i hope to make it mine too.

btw, i did think what matters to me in my life. family. i just want it to be happy and peaceful.


+ val-* @ 5:48 PM

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