i know i shouldn't be here in view of my contents of this post, but today is too epic to not blog about.
1st thing is that i woke up at 7+ to study drug quiz. like wth right but i had to cos i have 15 more drugs to go and i dont have much time left thanks to FYP. so i managed to study 10 drugs by 1230 and then i had to lunch and go lab to meet my sup for an experiment. the previous time i did it i took from 1-5 so i thought it should be alright this time too.
i drank a cup of coffee in the morning so i felt alright while studying for the drug quiz, but as i walked to lab the post lunch sedation set in omgosh i was so sleepy when i reached lab!
and it turns out that today is the day where everyone is snatching the plate reader. and it's a kinetic assay so everyone needs to time their reactions etc and hog the plate reader for a while so we all had to coordinate and wait for each other argh. everyone was very nice but oh well it still took longer than usual. then when i finally could start mine at 5+ the PhD student had some problems with her experiment so my sup wanted me to be cautious and do the 1 hr one 1st (my other time points were 15 and 30min), which means that now instead of finishing in 1 hr i can only finish 1.5hrs later. later she changed her mind and let me do the 15min one but due to some problems we missed the 15min one so it became 1hr anw. so i went to grab dinner and finished my dinner in 10min omgosh and drank a can of green tea so that i can still study for the drug quiz when i get back to my room.
with the hope that i'll be able to get back to my room at 7 which is not too bad, i quickly asked my sup to look at my results to see if it's ok. DEHDEH. NOT OK. there seemed to be an anormaly in one of my results and my sup wanted me to redo just that 2 wells. so i thought it was ok. THEN i realised that it wasnt only one well but that the trend was the opposite of what was expected! WALAO DAMN BIG MOUTH. in the end i had to redo the entire 2 series of drug dilutions that takes a painstaking amount of effort=( i almost cried when i realised that was what she wanted me to do cos i havent even finish studying for my drug quiz and tmr i have to go lab in the morning and my pharmD seminar is tmr dammit. i want to switch also nobody will switch with me lor. which means i can't study tmr, have to study until damn late today and still wake up early tmr for lab=( totally sleep-deprived and burnt out=( so very wu-nai-ly i redid my dilutions, trying not to think abt failing the drug quiz and how my sup rushed alana home but insisted that i finished my expt so that her reagents won't go to waste=( walao who cares about reagents when i have a test tmr and i can always do it the next time! and i was so sure that i didn't make any mistakes AT ALL although she kept saying that i may have forgotten since i did the preparation so long ago. sigh so i redid and tada the results were the same. i admit i was really excited when i re-cfmed my results but hey told ya i didn't do it wrongly. waste another 1.5 hours in the lab. freaking left the lab at 9+. but it's true that i was pretty happy when i left the lab cos at least i knew the results werent due to my fault=D that's the only consolation i guess.
argh. now u can see how epic my day is. and wish me good luck in studying for the test. i guess i can finish the 5 drugs today but i can forget about reading it for a second time=(
goodnight world, im so dazed alr.
+ val-* @ 10:13 PM
OHMYGOSH i cannot concentrate on studying for the drug quiz!!
such a test of patience man why must the monographs be so long!
and i shouldnt be telling myself it's okay to just complete half today i can do tmr because im starting lab tmr and thu before the ca there is pharmD seminar WTH i just realised?!
ahwells.
at least amidst my sighing im feeling pretty happy from everything(:
somehow although time always feels like it's running out and most of the time it's cos i've been slacking too much, i still manage to finish my stuff anw. risky but gd cos i can enjoy life HAHA.
been having alot in my head recently, and it's good to be able to share with a person or two who can truly understand my thoughts(: thank God for such pple around! i guess that being said, my last year being a student seems pretty awesome! it took me awhile to adapt, to realign my priorities and to know what i want, but i guess it's not too late heh=D there are things that can't be changed, but for those that i can, i will! like we always say, target the modifiable risk factors (omgosh zhi ye bing haha!)
i'm looking forward to 1 oct! it's the public health campaign and im excited for the chance to do it in my last yr heh. at least i'll know my stuff alr and have a chance of talking to pple! and partly also cause my horror will end on fri noon time haha!gosh thu will be a loooooooooong night for me, going out + a presentation to prepare for. unless by some miracle i manage to finish studying for my drug quiz earlier tmr HAHA!
hokay, just some rants to kill my boredom frm drug quiz. but after reading abt diseases and diagnosis and slides on medscape on some diseases earlier and completely not understanding the x rays, ECGs, whatever gram, contrast dyes, etcetc, i think im kind of glad im in pharmacy heh(:
+ val-* @ 11:39 PM
im inwards outwards upwards downwards happy all the time x2
since Jesus Christ came in, and took away my sins
im inwards outwards upwards downwards happy all the time!
heh i suddenly got reminded of this children service song i learnt when i was really young!
not sure why i suddenly thought of it, but it kind of made me pretty happy=D
i was just reflecting today how my priorities in life now is so different from what i envisioned at the beginning of year 4.
somehow i am really glad of some changes i had in my life this year.
like how i shifted to RVR, ended up with my 10th choice as my fyp, decided to do wet lab instead of clinicals, decided to go for BSF and stuck with it, joined youth choir although the practices are on sat nights, joined adult choir although it meant almost my entire sunday is gone, a resolve to somewhat dedicate my wkends to family and God, and much more. in just this short 2 months since sch started it already felt like a few mths and i could hardly rmb the start of it.
i'm glad that time is slower than what i've felt. for after this year school life will be over, how sad. you'll never know the true meaning of work-life balance until you feel the difference it makes in your life.at least after my priorities have changed, i don't think i've regretted any of my decisions i've made so far. and i feel that my life is standing on a solid rock than some shaky sandy foundation that results in me going with the flow of time and society.
that being said, my balance now is really balanced, im like out almost every night this wk! i think to most pharmacy student it's kind of NOT balanced cos it's crazy to do so with our workload haha! not only nights but some afternoons are pretty slack too gosh!i barely did anything today! when i think of what i have next week i kind of know im in deep shit but aiya who cares. not cancelling any of my appts. somehow everything will work out ok ultimately!=D
and i just have to write down an impt lesson i've learnt last week, that the extent of our forgiveness is not solely based on God's love but also on the extent to which we were forgiven. Just think of the bountiful grace of God and His mercy is writing off ALL your wrongdoings and sins although we're such unworthy people. Surely we can forgive pple who annoy us and make us angry again and again because that's what God forgives us for, us unrepentant people who sins again and again and again against Him. So before you throw the stone at somebody, examine yourself first. impt note to self(:
+ val-* @ 10:34 PM
it's the weekends!and recess week!
but sadly i still have a presentation tmr. and hearing weepin say he's going home today just made me super homesick=(
enough of the sad things, well actually there's one more. im really very sad that i dont get to play the piano that often now cos i stay in sch. if there's one reason why i would give up staying in hostel is to play my piano everyday=(
can't blame my poor playing for not having a piano with me, i should have made the effort to find one or find time to go home or go to church earlier by not driving or sth.
anw i got my present from jiahui weepin bag mah ys and mandy today!i was still thinking if they'll get me similar to what i wanted initially but jiahui say i'll never expect it so i thought it's sth else hahaha. and the card is soooo cuteeeeeee!somehow everyone is giving me age-related card this yr. maybe THEY THINK I DONT LOOK OLD ENOUGH HAHA. im how young can=DDDDD
im really glad for such friends who bother looking for a present they think i'll really like instead of trying to give me sth on my birthday haphazardly when they can't find a proper gift. heh it's really what i wanted=D this is kind of even better cos they match up the colours for you nicely alr=D THANK YOU!!!
i actually havent said much abt the presents i've received this yr,im just a tad bit lazyXD im just doing this today cos it's recess week soon! have a presentation tmr but it'll soon be over and i'll give myself a nice break over the wkends cos honestly i think i have quite alot to do this "recess" week haha.
cheers to a great week=D
+ val-* @ 12:29 AM
i forgot to blog abt MAF. as in the actual day.maybe i'll do it tmr it's like a mental note now. gee totally no mood to study!!!
+ val-* @ 10:09 PM
HO i forgot then i didn't update this space. cos immed after complaining i managed to start my engine and almost completed my entire ppt!=D and i even managed to do the research met tut although i didnt intend to do anything at the start. but now it's alittle bad cos i havent finished studying for the test tmr HAHA. last worry on my mind=D
can't wait for the test to end tmr!it would be as if my holidays are here=D
but so far i feel that the pace is just right. i kind of felt that last sem was worse, i was really doing everything super last min that on the day of tests itself i would not have finished studying haha. yeah it was that bad. so im kind of glad that im enjoying whatever free time i have now=D this 1st wk is a proof that i just dont have to worry and everything will fall into place heh. ok it may not be true but i choose to believe in God=D
live life happily!i need to savour my last yr=D
+ val-* @ 6:46 PM
iiiineeeeeeedtooooooooostarttttttttt.
my engine is super fail. i think the thing that is dragging me down is that i have no motivation to do my presentation for sat. which means procrastinating this and causing the delay of the rest lining up behind it.
gogogogogo!i can do it!and im giving myself a self-declared 1-cycle break for my lab this wk HEEHEE(:
recess week come quick!although there's alot to do also but still it's recess week!!!=DDDD
+ val-* @ 8:14 PM
a wave of homesickness overpowered me as i drove to school.
with fyp and all, sch is a place that really turns me off like crazy.
my lab is just right outside my zen spot so now i dont even feel like studying at my zen spot.
u town sb is so flooded nowadays i gave up wanting to study there.
the only motivation that propels me to do work now is deadlines.
and im not really even yielding to them.
i havent started a single thing on my presentation on sat except to open ppt and key in the content page.
i haven't started studying for PT.
that means i havent touched anything that's due after recess wk. pray hard i survive this wk 1st.
and now, home is the only comfort with my piano and my spacious living room and i just feel like nuaing there all day long. even doing work at home is more pleasant.
but alas, also not very productive. who cares now. it's my last year and other than the yr to really pia, it's actually the yr to really enjoy uni life before i pia for my entire lifetime.
although the stress does get to me but i just feel stress and do nothing LOL.
actually i feel happier now that i kan de kai really(:
now that we are really at the crossroads, i think it's time to be enlightened before it's too late. maybe it's time to pick up something new. dont know what yet but i'll see how!
after saying all these, im going to start studying PT. HAHA so much for all these bs.
at least i think i can stomach the studying better now that im in a better mood.
+ val-* @ 10:10 PM
today is a happy day!for the entire day i was feeling happier and more attentive in class.
1) i slept enough. this is one major contributing factor man! insufficient sleep makes val a bad-tempered girl.
2) my results for my lab work is out!and my new cells are growing well(:
3) i satisfied my sashimi craving! it was oh-so-good!! i'll bring you all to eat there one day!
4) it was a treat so i can save moolah=D
5) i saw the deco at clarke quay! it was so pwetty=D i should have taken pictures(:
6) i had desserts by the river which is what i really like to do! stare at bodies of water=D
7) i managed to catch up with an old friend! missed talking about piano much and take my mind off FYP!
8) i joined jiahui weepin bag xiaosao at beer market(: im really glad i did=D
9) it was TGIF and the weekends are here!
10) i get to meet my jc classmates tmr at MAF=D
+ val-* @ 2:49 AM
Creator of darkness and light, commander of wind and sea,
Maker of heaven and earth,
all that has been, all that will be,
The Lord of the day and the night will guide you all you do.
Holds you forever, keeps you from falling,
God watches over you.
Never slumbers, never sleeps, our keeper, our help and shield.
Good is the source of our strength, never to fail, never to yield.
Lift up your eyes to the hills, in search of what's right and true.
Holds you forever, keeps you from falling,
God watches over you.
God watches over you, when your footsteps falter,
God watches over you, when the day grows dim.
The Lord will keep your soul and guide you in all you do.
God watches over you.
+ val-* @ 9:55 PM
i need to be more thankful about things that happen to me.
looking back, i think i was much happier in year 1 and 2 somehow.it was like my life couldnt be better. of course i can still rmb the downs, but i was a more cheerful girl who would smile to everybody, was more optimistic etc. now i feel extremely sian everyday. i really miss staying at pgp, although sometimes supper are so late when i really want to slp but i really missed them. i felt that i lost the camaraderie and the fun that really kept my uni life going.
gosh i really am sounding like an old lady now. that time has somehow flew past and im going to work soon. looking back at my uni life (gosh why am i in such a pensive mood now), i think without my group of friends, i would have died in the course long ago, just that i never realised i would because they were there and i didn't. im not saying that now they're not, but year 4 is really such a independent and isolated and lonely year. true that u mix around with diff pple, but everyone is just so tired and feeling equally sian about everything.
since this sem started, i think my mood really fluctuated like crazy. it was ok then not ok then ok then now it's not okay. like i really really see my priorities now. i think i will next time when i go to work too.
i had a talk with someone today, it was so gloomy. it just made things even more depressing for me although i guess it is the truth. but maybe i was just in delusion for a longer time than most of my peers. i honestly don't know how to save myself. it's like i know how but my heart doesnt abide. im so broken inside, no human can fix it. my fighting spirit is almost all gone, and i just feel like giving up and hide in my own tiny world.
*edit*
on a happier note, i found my tumbler!!!!!=DDDD it really made my mood soar for the 1st time in what feels like ten thousand years! i felt so disabled without it and it really made my day=D afterall the dejection ytd (partly due to the realisation that i lost my tumbler) today is really not that bad. i managed to finish my lab fast today and it's the earliest i've reached my room in 10000years. and im going out tmr for jap food=DDDDD so happy really=DDDDD
+ val-* @ 9:28 PM
i want to complainnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
hahahahaha.
sigh. naggings really make me lost whatever interest i have left.
i really dont knw if it's a good thing or a bad thing to have a naggy sup.
on one hand u really know what u're doing,
but on the other it's alot of time wasting and unnecessary rubbish mixed in such that i forget the impt stuff. gosh now i know why we should be concise to patients. not that i didnt know that b4.
i lack sleep every single day. and to slp in till 10am on a sat alr makes me feel guilty, what kind of life is this man!sucks really.
i must persevere with God's strength!!!!!!!
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26
I can do all this through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
+ val-* @ 11:10 PM
i dont think i've ever sigh-ed so much in my life. so much so that i think im going to just give up soon. sometimes you just have to let go to find your true happiness.
+ val-* @ 12:25 AM
diplomats tend to have to be really neutral in whatever they say, taking care not to offend any party.
but it's really hard to be neutral!not saying to just be neutral on the surface but to truly believe in neutrality and not taking sides or have an opinion.
to me, (just in my opinion may not apply to you), it's really hard to say one thing and to believe in another.
when u try to be diplomatic, avoiding hurt to any party, u would probably take into consideration the opinion of those who are not on your side, because you know your side will back you up and will understand the decisions you make, while those who are not on your side will create chaos if you dont give them your assurance.
but maybe in the mean time, you end up sacrificing the feelings of those who trust in you and not living up to their trust. maybe some will still stay by you, and with a little appeasement, most who are on your side will still not change sides. the outcome: oppositions are pleased, those on your side will still stay by your side whether or not they are truly are on your side. there, diplomacy is achieved.
+ val-* @ 2:47 AM
As I stood there looking at the humongous shadow, I sensed God whispering to my heart: Renee, you can only see the shadow because you have turned away from the light. Turn back toward the light.
Slowly I turned back toward the lights above the mirror, and realized I was no longer standing in the shadow. And, I also realized I had created the shadow by blocking the light.
Shadows are created all around us when something blocks light. And so it is with the shadow of doubt. When we focus on ourselves and how inadequate we feel, or what others are thinking about us, we cast a shadow of doubt in our minds and block the light of God’s Truth in our hearts.
Yet, we were not designed to block the light or to be the light.
We were created to live in the Light, by focusing on what God thinks about us instead. I love how John the Baptist is described as “a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light.” (John 1:7-8, NIV)
And the light is Jesus Christ. Turn to Him today.
+ val-* @ 11:08 PM
I am really so tired.I can imagine that work will be like that next time too.just endless toiling all for nothing.everything is so meaningless.if I sacrifice my first class,will I be happier with more free time to spend with others?cos even when I go out with others now I feel so tired with nth much to talk about except my sad life.how sad indeed.for consolation,it's abt half a yr left b4 all this toil is over.although a fresh new level of toil will begin,but I really can't stand this life of isolation.maybe it's really really time to rethink abt my priorities.although it always has been time but better late than never.I tink I finally experience what Ecclesiastes is talking abt,not just understanding it.afterall,what's the best way to learn than to experience and learn it the hard way right.
I just wish I have better self-control,esp when I'm all tired and moody.
+ val-* @ 11:43 PM
i looked at someone's post on a lecturer, then immediately 1 lecturer came to my mind and i was like aiya he/she's like that. but after reading the comments, i realised who he/she actually is and i flinched. ohnoooooooooo i also dont understand hownowbrowncow=(
+ val-* @ 10:55 PM