now i realised i should blog whenever i can cos that's quite rare alr.

anw last wk has been so crazy. screwed up my PT test in exchange for an awesome P1 so i guess it's still kind of worth it, just that i have to mug like shit for my PT finals now. after PT i was in a state of euphoria for a 2nd time and was happy to hang out with uuuuuu! =D then i had to go home to practise my piano and after that i was glad to join them till late again!despite the heavy rain i think everyone had fun(:

i had already felt a slight bit of sore throat on fri but heh on sat when i woke up at 650 i was still contemplating whether to go for the chek jawa outing with my church youths. so wth right, totally not enough sleep and not feeling very well. but i measure my temp, was 37.2 so i went since i didnt have a fever. omw there i actually felt so horrible i had to take panadol, but i was alright throughout the whole trip! was a goner when i reached home though, still went back to sch to do lab cos i gotta complete something by mon. but halfway through i couldnt take it anymore i think i ran a fever so i left for home. that's why today have to go back again when i head back to sch zzz. but when i reached home i just concuss from 6-8, woke up for dinner, and slpt at 10 again until today. woke up initially at 6am with my nose flowing on its own and blocked at the same time (WTH?!) so i took panadol flu max. at 8am when it's time to wake up for church man i kind of felt slightly better but still with a headache, somehow i still went to church anw and im actually feeling way better now. i think it was sinusitis plus pharyngitis plus i dont know what but the thing is my phlegm is actually not very thick but super watery. and i had diarrhea today hmm. such a weird mix of symptoms but ohwells, thank God it's the weekends so i can relax and do nothing and hopefully i'll get better by mon!cos mon is the start of another week of chionging although not as bad as last week. it's alr the last lap of the sem, and im thinking if i should cut all my labs alr or just continue doing?haiya cant decide shall see how!

+ val-* @ 6:36 PM

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YAY MY P1 IS OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR :DDDDDD
i was in a state of euphoria despite PT ca being tmr haha.

when i went today to the seminar room and setting up HHK came. then CC and HHK engaged in some confidential not-for-student's-ears convo so i left the room and waited for CEH to come. when we walked in, CC said to CEH, you looked stressed madam, more stressed than valerie. HAHA. so i said that's cos i'm prepared! and HHK said, that's cos she knows her examiner is nice, right valerie?

i think if my jaw opened any wider it would have dislocated HAHA.

so i asked err ya kind of, but actually i was scared like shit i tell you.i was just laughing at my sups and examiners cos they were so amusing.
and after i answered that, he said, later than you know.

i think i exercised every single bit of control i had over my jaws to prevent myself frm looking unglam.

and sure enough his qns weren't super easy. now to think abt it i did prepare for most of them, but they're still pretty hard anw, CEH still say won't be so farfetched when i asked her to clarify some stuff heh.

the idiotic thing was, the 3 of them left me in the room to pack up and shut down everything while they just left like that when it ended. my jaw just dropped for a 3rd time cos well im not super IT savvy, had to figure out how to off everything. boo. but before HHK left he quickly whispered very good. HEEEHEEEEEEEE(: i think even if he tell me i did ok only i would have been up in the heavensXD

don't -.- at me! i need some joy after letting him torture me during Q&A! freaking asked abt his specialties. i realised he was just driving at 1 point on hindsight. at least i think most of my answers were in the right track.

hokay. enough about my p1 i think u all are fainting from reading all these alr HAHA. but still i was really euphoric after that!!!!=DDDDDDDD

so now im not really in the mood to study for PT.GG. esp cos after stuffing my brain with P1 stuff all my PT stuff just conveniently got effluxed due to lack of memory space. pray hard that UTI is SOAP!the regimens are relatively less complicated anw compared to everything else!

btw CEH was super sweet! although she took up like 1.5hrs of my studying time just talking to me abt my P1 (she is more excited abt it than i am about the Q&A discussion) she offered me earl grey tea and some snacks to fill my pretty hungry stomach=D i think i can dont slp tonight alr which is a good thing, gotta catch up on PTTTTTTTTTT!<3 my sups(:

+ val-* @ 9:53 PM

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my favourite phrase today is wp. NOT WEEPIN but err i am not sure if it's a vulgar word so i shall not spell it out. seriously it's the word that can describe today the best. although on hindsight i must congratulate myself for tolerating everything today qt well despite whining to alot of pple. i think i would have flared up more if i didn't exercise abit of self-control. fyp is so sigh. if i have more time to do it i think i would have liked it more because my project is really quite interesting. it's just very tough now to work with the tight schedules. and i have yet to complete even a chpt for PT i am so dead!!! i think i will survive somehow and p1 may not turn out to be so bad and pt will come out stuff that i have studied yes that will be the case ok bye pple happy deepavali (definitely not for me).

+ val-* @ 8:58 PM

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after talking to my mum over the weekends, i realised why i am who i am 1 year ago.

i don't know if it's a good thing or not.. sometimes i feel really exasperated with myself for not having a mind on my own and being brainwashed very easily by almost everybody. it doesnt take too much to convince me if it's not about things that can be studied. i have just been a follower almost all my life, be it parents, friends, etc. when it comes to work i can lead sure. but i've been a poor leader of my life.

and at 22, i finally took a stand. this time, i am still a follower, but i know that the One i'm following is the right one. slowly i reshuffled my priorities. slowly i no longer yield to just any suggestions that pple give me. slowly i learn to think for myself, grow to know what is truly impt to me and to rid myself of social stigmas (maybe not completely but definitely a start). all this did not come easy. it was a tough year of reflecting and reflecting and reflecting. when 21 was over i truly know i can't be an anybody anymore. i have to be me. at 22, i think i finally turned into an adult. definitely more refining has to come as i continue reflecting on my life. at least i've gotten a big part of my life set in the correct direction. with the help of BSF and a very dear friend who kicked start this who gruesome cycle of reflections and a close sister who pointed me in the right direction.

i really thank God for these people in my life. because just 1 question from them each made me who i am today. 

and to my mum, i think she gave me good values to tide through my student life. because of her, i could live the 1st 1/3 of my life with ease in the meritocratic system of SG. She always wanted the best for me, i know and i really appreciate it. but it's time to shelve some of these values for the next 2/3 of my life. She will soon know and appreciate the choice i make. because as i grow older and she grows older, she'll realise the values she gave me wouldn't bring her (nor me) the happiness she expected us to have.

+ val-* @ 11:15 PM

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I've got this sudden thought that if anyone would hire me to do door-to-door med review, i would make it my career. it's so meaningful and yet it's only done by a miserly few pharmacy students and pharmacists in like 2 blks. no way that's enough! i think it's one area pharmacy students actually enjoy doing so why isn't there such an area to go into? well because u can't earn money from that. dammit. no one will pay to let u review their meds and chiding them for not taking it correctly. boo.

ohwells it's just a sudden thought. maybe one day i'll come up with the solution....




+ val-* @ 10:27 PM

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hahaha just when i was so happy with my 1st product i totally failed for my 2nd one heehee. okay la abit annoyed cos have to delay experiment and stuff like that, but not too bad cos i still like chemistry heh. at least i dont have to wait like 5 days to know that i've failed or to wait 3 days for another cycle gosh! suddenly i feel very free tonight. i just realised it's cos i was out almost every night last week. ok time to catch up with some sch work, i feel that i've lost touch since e learning week hahaha.

+ val-* @ 8:27 PM

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whooooooooooo i just have to write this: i wrote my research proposal in a record breaking 20min! in fact 10 mins excluding all the references and the formatting=D AND i hit 294 words in the 1st try without having to shrink my word count HAHA. i think it's really cause i did my presentation plus 2 rehearsals alr and i learnt how to select the main point to fit it into a 10min presentation so 300words is not too difficult really=p

okay that's all dont wanna have eggs thrown at me tmr. AND I GOT MY 1ST PRODUCT TODAY!!!!it's like im a proud mama giving birth to a baby HAHA. sorry i think im crazy about med chem. damn i should have chosen a more purely synthesis project. but okay la, having the opportunity to be exposed to both bio and chem is a blessing indeed(: thank God!

+ val-* @ 1:52 AM

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fyp has slowly but surely taken a part of me with it. while everyone is already getting used to the swing of things like i did previously, i'm still struggling to adapt to an all new env of chemistry again, just when i got used to the bio part. i still like to do synthesis despite all the crazy shit that happened this week. that kind of made me feel slightly happier.

somehow i think i don't adapt to new env very quickly. the problems just keep coming when i'm still all blur and im abit bu zhi suo cuo. but the good thing is it forces me to think independently, like im forced to work my brain harder cos i die die have to solve it by myself when there's no one to rely on. it's not too bad, helps me rmb things better.

friends keep me sane. they crack me up, we talk about all sorts of rubbish, gossip alittle for some spice in our lives, complain about pharmacy and the likes together, HTHT, and update me about what's happening around me and in the news. Somehow i feel that im abit not in the world. other than fyp now i've got nothing to share in my life. catching up with friends is what i try to do every single moment when i can free myself frm fyp, and they bring alittle sanity back into my life each time. like how jiahui puts it,"fyp is robbing all my friends away". i sure feel it too! and i thank God for every single moment i can spend with friends(:

another thing that keeps me sane is my piano. whenever i feel so burnt out and all ready to cry i think when i reach home i shed tears of relief and joy instead. without my piano i think i would have lived my life in a daze. playing the piano keeps my worries away and i just immerse in the wonderful music and dream away...

that said, i think i should go back to dance again. i think it's another thing that injects abit more energy to my mundane life.

sundays are precious too. with time dedicated to God and bible study and reading spiritual books, it's the day for me to truly find rest and peace with the One who gives them. He keeps me alive and happy all the time despite the craziness of life everyday. sunday is a time of refreshment and reminder of the One who created and governs all on the Earth and the Heavens. i know i can place my trust in Him truly and be happy.

i think at this crossroad of life again it's time for some reflection every now and then. to find out what sustains me, what i truly want to do in life, what matters to me, what do i care about, to prioritise and to move forward.



+ val-* @ 4:35 PM

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omgosh im growing ulcers!and starting to have a sore throat.


despite all my laughter and happy outlook recently, i feel...not myself. i mean i kind of am, but okay im just going in circles.

things have been really great for the past few days, with my fyp progressing pretty smoothly and in the midst of transition and a little catching up with sam and rach etcetcetcetc. i think everyone's mood is kind of better after the entire ca ordeal is over, so everyone seems to enjoy life alittle more and more willing to meet up(: there are a few things that have been swimming in my mind that sets me a little off balance in a few aspects of my life, but i just have to learn to trust God.

(:

+ val-* @ 11:32 PM

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I am at the crisis point of my FYP. suddenly i dont know where this proj is heading.

After talking to the PhD student to discuss about my synthesis plans, we were chatting casually about our sups and other stuff. OMGOSH his CAP is now stuck in my head. really jaw drop. but besides that he really enlightened me about some stuff and made me think about my project and stuff like that all over again. i realised i really don't know how to judge a book. too superficial alr haiz. that aside, im so grateful for his help cos if not i'll really be sky diving off a crazy terrain (cant be struggline at the deep end of the pool cos i can swim).

feeling abit cranky now cos i suddenly just found out that i have another rehearsal for my p1 tmr and i havent done anything about it. GGXX. okay bye world i need to stop wasting time (not intentionally, i was doing work that was unnecessary, like i could have done it in the 1hr discussion with that student instead of like 6hrs by myself damn).




+ val-* @ 3:55 PM

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ytd's lab was so fun!!!it was like sec sch lab all over again. cos i did..recrystallisation! i even took some pictures of what i did heh. just realised i didnt really take the impt steps but those that i had alot of waiting time for! it's really quite interesting and i had alot of fun (gee it just confirmed that chemistry is more for me than bio is). like i can SEE the changes. cells are so boring. they grow also grow more cells only. partly cos i love the theory part of chemistry also and the reactions are more visual. alot of waiting time though, spend alot of my time rotting around cos i don't even know how long i should wait for cos it's my 1st time doing. next time at least i can like bring some lit papers to read or sth. but there should be more to do when my reagents come, excites!!!

This is filtering of my warm solution into a flask soaked in an ice bath. makes my crystals come out of solution into clear and pretty crystals! makes me happy to see them transform from yellow powder to pretty crystals=D there are some white crystals that ppted before it is filtered (right picture) can't see clearly but it's really pretty heh!


okay shan't bore you with my experiments. but i feel happier now doing chem stuff. initially i was quite like okok for both but after doing the bio part i didn't really like it haha. maybe i'll tell you my verdict again after i do a sig amt of chem, but im pretty sure the answer will still be the same cos i tried quite a number of chem stuff alr(:

as it is life is pretty happy and slack now, omgosh it's almost 12midnight alr?doesnt feel like it. think cos i slept 2 hours from 4-6 just now. super piggy but i really haven't been resting for the past goodness knows how long. tmr is free day!shiok max!am going to work hard on my research proposal and presentation and read my lit readings!quite alot that i kept procrastinating thanks to lab.

and one thing that i've learnt from einstein recently, is that if you can't explain something simply, it means you don't know it well enough. so true!!! motivation to read up thoroughly on my FYP scope and maybe slightly outside of it. and also to know my pharm stuff really well so that when layman ask me questions about meds and stuff i can explain it well in layman terms yet not shortchange them on important information(: and lastly also about my religion, i've been getting alot of questions about it that i feel that i havent been answering it well although yeah i know what i'm believing in, it's not just pure faith with no reason. it's just so hard to explain sometimes! and there, to my exclamation einstein replied. so i also need to work hard on this to explain to others and to strengthen my conviction in Christ.




+ val-* @ 11:54 PM

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i am so not progressing with research met. heard the seniors didnt have a CA for now. damn why wasnt i borned a year earlier (nah i dont want to, i dont want an ugly BCG button on my deltoids). i think im having a split personality today. can't make up my mind and i am going half crazy sometimes and serious at others. well mostly crazy though. and im very fidgety today. cant sit down and study rm properly. i always thought i have more aptitude for practice than for research, but i'll reconsider that after dispensing pract today. nah, im extremely elated that i dont have to do any labs for at least a wk i think(: although things usually come unexpectedly at the very last min ohwells.

i dont know what im typing. im thinking if i should go sleep now and wake up earlier to do tmr but i think i wont have the mood to study tmr either. gee im turning super lazy. yr4 is not a year when i turn 22, it's when i turn extremely lazy when it comes to academics (except fyp).

+ val-* @ 12:52 AM

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wow i think i haven't posted in quite a while. well it was just a very crazy period that i guess i would recount in the past but i can't be bothered now. it was just super crazy and half my own fault for procrastinating and slacking too much. but i kind of dont really regret it haha, it's alr the last yr in uni aiya, will still study to maintain but it's also the last chance to play and play and play.

that being said, fyp is really taking so much of my time that time really flies!like what it's october already? it feels like bag just started complaining abt sept. really no day no night haha. but ohwells my mood is still pretty good recently, think cos i've settled down for fyp already and getting used to the rigor and yet have time to catch up with people(: realigning my priorities is really one of the best choice i can make, including honoring the sabbath and dedicating it to God. was just sharing about it with gareth when i saw him at the ban mian store today, and it felt really good to be able to talk about such things to people who can understand and see that they are encouraged by it too! sometimes God really place you in unexpected places to just give the timely reminder someone needs. now i can confidently say that i truly enjoy my life now that God is first and all my priorities are arranged in the correct order, God never fails to bless those who honor Him because the source of blessing and everything else is God, we can find true happiness peace and satisfaction in Him that we can find no where else(:





+ val-* @ 9:53 PM

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