after talking to my mum over the weekends, i realised why i am who i am 1 year ago.
i don't know if it's a good thing or not.. sometimes i feel really exasperated with myself for not having a mind on my own and being brainwashed very easily by almost everybody. it doesnt take too much to convince me if it's not about things that can be studied. i have just been a follower almost all my life, be it parents, friends, etc. when it comes to work i can lead sure. but i've been a poor leader of my life.
and at 22, i finally took a stand. this time, i am still a follower, but i know that the One i'm following is the right one. slowly i reshuffled my priorities. slowly i no longer yield to just any suggestions that pple give me. slowly i learn to think for myself, grow to know what is truly impt to me and to rid myself of social stigmas (maybe not completely but definitely a start). all this did not come easy. it was a tough year of reflecting and reflecting and reflecting. when 21 was over i truly know i can't be an anybody anymore. i have to be me. at 22, i think i finally turned into an adult. definitely more refining has to come as i continue reflecting on my life. at least i've gotten a big part of my life set in the correct direction. with the help of BSF and a very dear friend who kicked start this who gruesome cycle of reflections and a close sister who pointed me in the right direction.
i really thank God for these people in my life. because just 1 question from them each made me who i am today.
and to my mum, i think she gave me good values to tide through my student life. because of her, i could live the 1st 1/3 of my life with ease in the meritocratic system of SG. She always wanted the best for me, i know and i really appreciate it. but it's time to shelve some of these values for the next 2/3 of my life. She will soon know and appreciate the choice i make. because as i grow older and she grows older, she'll realise the values she gave me wouldn't bring her (nor me) the happiness she expected us to have.
+ val-* @ 11:15 PM