RELIEVED. the best word that describes my feelings best after a lunch talk.
SATISFACTION. the best word that describes my feelings now after completing my lab work (almost) and tidying up my data and being productive at writing my report.
HAPPY. the best word that sums up my relationship with those who are dear to me(:
guess my monday blues werent that blue afterall(:
+ val-* @ 12:46 AM
How ironic, that FYP is the only thing that makes me happy now.something i'll never thought i would say.my usual insecurities are ebbing in me, everything that was supposedly simple became complicated not because i could help it. i just have to keep thinking about the good stuff. goodstuffgoodstuffgoodstuff. okay now im feeling slightly better. on to writing my fyp report.
+ val-* @ 5:24 PM
today is just one of the days i feel really down.
partly cos i havent had enough sleep for the whole week and i kept going out which means i had to do work really late into the night. and maybe cos im getting old i really feel like dying today. yet there's no rest for the weary during this period. cny is more of a nuisance then a rest because i have to work my lab schedule around it, prob have to come back on cny eve like wth.
so pardon the grouchy tired me today.
+ val-* @ 1:44 PM
today is seriously damn hot.but the good thing is, i finished my expt early. the not good thing is, i thought i'll end late so i didn't plan anything today. well i actually have alot to do so i guess i dont really mind, but im not really in the mood to start work yet sigh.
+ val-* @ 6:39 PM
gosh it was really a tiring day today. nonstop from 7am till 10pm when dance ended. only a 45min lunch break. resorted to starbucks for calories at night cos freaking no more food places opened in sch when dance ended.felt faint when dance ended totally hypoglycemic from dancing and all the running about from dance to lab to dance without dinner.okay super tired tmr is crazy too goodnight world.
+ val-* @ 12:05 AM
OMG crazy day tmr. okay goodnight world.
+ val-* @ 11:55 PM
after catching up with friends and doing abit of lab at 8pm i was back in my room thinking okay it's time to study drug quiz and i'll be able to do quite alot today, had the disciplined feel.
after finish tabbing my DIH, i just feel damn tired. haven't even started studying anything. SIANS. feel like just going to bed now and heck drug quiz. it's bad to start sch with a tired mind with not enough rest. tmr will be a xiong day in lab but at least my night will be awesome=D just hope im not too tired that all i feel like doing is nua. which is quite the case nowadays. sigh.
+ val-* @ 9:43 PM
jealousy is the art of counting someone else's blessings instead of your own.
Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.
Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
i got all these from here: http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/
i think these are the stuff that i need to focus on. esp the perfectionist one. and the worrying. fyp is totally not something that i should worry about so much. it matters only for my salary i guess. so what if i get 1st class? nothing much, but if i dont i waste all my effort these years trying to maintain my cap when i could have done other stuff. well actually not really, i think i did do what i wanted to in uni.. like dance and organising events and stuff. and i guess studying hard now would be rewarding when i come out to work. so i should stop worrying about fyp. guess i just want to put in my best effort for everything i do. there, my perfectionist attitude. but so what if the real world doesn't reward perfectionist, i feel the satisfaction knowing i did my best. if i didn't do my best and i don't do well, i would definitely regret it cos i would think if i had did my best i would have gotten my 1st class. actually even when i did my best and i dont get my 1st class, i would think i didn't put in my best and could have done better haha. ironies of life. set too high expectations for myself. maybe cos i expect myself to be able to achieve it. nvm, it's the last lap in sch alr i'll just yeah do my best for the last time in sch and then i'll be working and fyp will just be a memory tucked away somewhere that i will have nothing to do with hopefully for the rest of my life.
im at a phase of life where i feel it's time to grow up and know what i want and face reality. in my heart im honestly still a kid filled with fantasy and innocence feeling all carefree and childish, but that part of me will be hidden preciously deep in my heart with utmost care as i continue to face growing up bravely. despite knowing that i'll have 4 more yrs to think of what i want to do in the future, but im putting more serious thought into a few paths that i may take, and even considering stepping out of my comfort zone to study overseas - something i would have never considered in the past. no way im too rooted in singapore. and not only just work, also about other aspects of my life, my relationship with God and with humans. haha i feel old alr, like im past the stage of pia-ing and looking for greater heights. im all ready to settle for a normal mundane life filled with happiness ahead trusting in my Lord to guide me through life's storms. i've been living for others (mainly my parents) when im schooling, i've been focused on the wrong stuff that prob dont matter to me in the future. i dont mean studying hard is wrong, i don't regret it at all. to be able to end up with this profession is due to all these hard work!but working so hard when i was young is alright, but i want to take things easier from now on. it's not that i dont have my dreams, but i'll only do what is necessary to achieve them, to take a more focused view and to set priorities in my stuff, not to blindly work hard for everything. and esp not to try too hard for anything. esp in pleasing people (well depends on who).
this dec was really great for me. other than fyp which is the only sad thing in my whole dec, i found out where my heart lies and i take great pleasure in that. and i think if life is like that for the rest of my life i would be very happy. so now i just need fyp to be over 1st, i know there are always other difficulties like fyp that will come along in life, but if there are other things to be happy about, my life would be truly balanced and blessed.
haha i haven't blogged such a serious post in ages. but i kind of want to document this down. maybe i'll look back in a few years and think how come i could come up with all these then lol. sch's starting tmr excites!!! honestly without fyp it would be more awesome haha. ciao!
+ val-* @ 7:50 PM
yayy supper with the boy on fri! i know this kind of statements are meant for something like twitter but im still pretty private about my stuff. think not many pple read my blog. I THINK.
me thought that i wont be able to see the boy for 2weeks thanks to stupid finals. but me am feeling extremely sian to this wk although after this wk i will wash my hands of chem so heehee even alittle time tog is much awaited(: and yesss im going to end this crazy dec with a bang with dance on fri and sat!!!and then it'll be sch reopen zzz can't imagine juggling fyp and schwork again not sure if dec or sem2 is worse man. but i think anything for no more chem lab man.
kind of want my last semester to come but not come also, partly it's the crazy load which dont allow me to enjoy myself but at the same time i am still going to join my last CAC+US dance concert and i wanna enjoy my last sem as a student. sem2 pls be slightly slightly kinder to me, i know it's kind of not really possible but still anyone can make a wish!
sometimes i wish i hadnt gotten such a good fyp. if my fyp poj suck then i'll just slack my way through. now that it's good i have to slog my way through so that i dont waste the opportunity given to me. so much stress!!!!! sians.
+ val-* @ 9:03 PM
If you want to know where your heart is,
look at where your mind goes when it wanders.
saw this quote somewhere. hmm i guess that's quite true hor.
BUT NOT NOW. my freaking mind thinks about fyp all the time but my heart is definitely not there. hmph.
but yeah when my mind is not thinking about fyp i guess that statement is pretty true.
all the time i think about giving up on my fyp but now it's too late to give up. im like finishing most of the labwork alr. so there's only 1 way to go now, to move fwd and pia the last lab. really can't wait to finish lab. although the report writing and presentations and poster will be another pain in the ass but it's really the lab that pisses me off and makes me worry all the time. when all the results are in my fyp is technically done whoo!can't wait!and when lab is over my life will be better.may be busier with sch work etc but really, anything but labwork pls. and dance will be awesome too!everything will start next sem!im going to have a blast for my last sem in nus=D
cheers to 2012!
+ val-* @ 10:10 PM
the past 2 days were crazy. how i spent my last few hours of 2011 and the last few hours of the 1st day of 2012. those crazy 12 hours will be times i rmb for the rest of 2012 i think. at the same time, i wouldn't want to be remembering what i did in the past 2 days other than those 12 hours so i shall not write it here. and not for today either.
okay. i dont know what to write anymore. happy new year!
+ val-* @ 12:41 PM
i managed to tide through the 6hours phew!
tmr round 2 ohman!my cheek bones are aching already!
anw happy new year guys!may your new year be filled with love joy peace and happiness=D
+ val-* @ 1:38 AM