on days like this when i can't fall asleep, that's when i think alot.
but thinking alot isn't a bad thing. often it starts with all things bad, can't figure out why things are like this, can't think of any way certain issues can be resolved, but during times like this, the conclusions are always the same:
God walks with me.
sometimes i wonder if i never had days or rather nights like this, would i be so convicted of God's presence in my life. and today, it took reading someone's blog to be all enlightened again.
yes, val is weak but God is strong.
and when i relate how others treat me the way i dislike it, and i think of how i've been treating God, i'm just guilty as charged. but God does not treat me like how the narrow-minded and irritating me does to others. He loves me all the more, comforts me all the more, and constantly pursues me with His unfailing love.
with His strength, i can carry on. with His love, i can love again and again. and now, i just need to let God.
that's exactly what continuing in the grace of God meant from the BSF study, a question i wasnt able to answer then. now i do.
+ val-* @ 2:30 AM
都是我的错。
是我太高估我的忍耐力。
太高估我的上进心。
太高估我的坚强性。
太高估我的自信心。
太高估我的意志力。
我只想做个平凡的女人。
沉浸在主的爱里。
+ val-* @ 2:04 AM
given that the fyp hype is finally all over, im starting to feel abit lost in my life.
but i figured this is the best time i should start giving myself more time! it has always been dances friends bf sch family everything but me. wanna do lots of things, read my books watch my shows do some art&craft play my piano...
but 1st my appearance. well not that i think it's bad but certainly after the grueling time in lab where i could only wear tshirt jeans ugly shoes and hair tied up and no contact lenses i think i lost some bit of my fashion sense. and not to mention the freaking ugly never had before acne problems that came with the tremendous stress this yr.
so it's time to mend abit of my face and look good again! and also to take pretty pretty photos during grad trip:DDD super excitessssssss!!!!
so recently i've been spamming these few items:
1) for whitening. need to do some UV protection to prevent blemishes from forming and to make myself look brighter and radiant (not pale green and sickly).
Nivea whitening UV blocker. like it cos it's oil-free (i hate applying oil based stuff to my face although i have dry skin, am always paranoid i'll get pimples from it). and it hydrates and really makes my skin look more radiant! don't really apply this everyday though, it still feels pretty oily to me (im just paranoid it's actually alright). it actually doesnt make my hand feel oily or greasy haha. but it has the typical sunblock feel so im still paranoid. i should man, think it really helps my skin glow.
Garnier light intensive brightening scrub. im always a big fan of scrubs! the tiny micronised beads makes me feel like my face is thoroughly cleansed(: my all time favourite is ginvera marvel gel, can see all the gel turning black when you give ur face a real good scrub! anyway i kind of love this product cos it has lemon essence, totally imagine it filled with vitamin C and nourishing my skin. indeed every night after i use it i feel that my skin is glowing!should try using it in the day instead...
2) for moisturising. after cooping myself in the lab and lecture theatres with merciless aircon, esp in the lab where a dryer environment is needed, plus my die hard addiction to 1 cup of coffee everyday, my skin is sure dehydrated now. so it's kind of intensive moisturising for me now haha.
i love love love this body lotion from face shop! got it only because there was a sale at face shop and it's relatively cheap!it's quite a huge bottle, 300ml! considering that i lather generous portions over my arms and legs (1 full squirt per limb) each time, it has faithfully served me for half a year! love the smell and it really moisturises super well! it's really meant for intensive moisturising, the sales person was telling me that this works better than the other one that i was considering, which was just for normal use can't rmb what. but im really glad i chose this cos it has a gorgeous smell that makes me feel happy going to bed haha! good thing is it's really not greasy, gets absorbed into the skin real fast! the bad thing is, when i wake up in the morning to brush my teeth and my hands come into contact with water, i can feel the lotion. but i'll just wash it off and it kind of means that it's really lasting right heh! it really helps eliminate all the dry skin that i get from the extreme dryness in lab. my hands can be peeling the night before and when i wake up baby soft(: love this!
wow i actually miss blogging like this!shows how much fyp has sucked my life.
just one last photo:
on a side note i really hate my fringe now. cant wait to outgrow it but i think by the time grad trip comes it'll be just nice whee:D okay time to slp now breakfast at utown hostel tmr!am eggcited:D goodnight world!
+ val-* @ 12:44 AM
Sometimes i don't really believe in PMS, because i think i can feel as upset sometimes as when i PMS. but after the last PMS, i realised how bad it can really be. like, i really felt like i need antidepressants for the 1st time in my life. anyway it's now all over (i mean my PMS), and i actually dont really feel that upset anymore. there are actually good things that came out of this. Thank God. somehow You never fail to amaze me with your protection and preservation.
+ val-* @ 11:59 PM
WHOO FYP PRESENTATION OVER!!
abit late on my post, not sure what i've been doing the whole wkend but slacking.too extremely tired.the whole wk was like crap last wk esp the start of the wk cos i was preparing for my dry run like it was the real thing alr. so i could afford to slack abit more towards the end of the wk, but adrenaline kept me stressed on fri and sat as well.
the only relief was dance on wed, and it was really awesome!love the choreo!glad i went(:
Zee's adv beg class 21 mar(:
and on thu we had counseling of which my patient was my PRECEPTOR AT NCC OMGOSH. heng ah he's really quite nice one. and luckily the topic was easy. im going to die next wk though it's contraceptives!
anw im really craving for sashimi now!!wanna go eat some good sashimi one day:D
okay now poster and i'll be done with fyp forever!!!i guess looking back i had quite an enriching experience, and my examiners for my presentation was actually quite interested in my project!abit disbelieving haha but i guess it made me feel alittle better for my project lol. but nono, no fyp if i had another chance to choose if i want to do it or not.
hokay cheers to a relatively slack next wk. not really i guess, but i could afford to cut myself some slack!
+ val-* @ 11:50 PM
you can only try your best. if they don't appreciate it, it's their fault, not yours.
but the best is never the best. even when you tried and was the best, everyone will still think nah, you can do better. exploit your full potential. ya whatever. sometimes i feel like just dropping everything but it aint in my nature to do so. sigh. make myself unhappy only.
+ val-* @ 9:56 AM
But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect. 1 Peter 3:15
Have you ever heard a verse speaking to you? The verse of the day on biblegateway did exactly that.
+ val-* @ 12:29 AM
such a tiring day.
so much build up of stress in the past few days.
no outlet, because almost everyone i talk to just adds on to the stress somehow.
nobody sees things from my point of view.
the life of a princess is never as beautiful as a fairytale.
+ val-* @ 10:15 PM
From a simple email event i can see how my life in SGH will be like. well actually not to bad i guess im being optimistic here LOL. everyone is like, DO THINGS SUPER FAST OMGOSH THEY'RE FASTER THAN MY EMAIL NOTIFICATION. it's like how the top you want from love bonito is sold out when your browser loads the moment the collection launches. and before you can organise any group purchase or spree everything is a sold and done deal. too fast for my liking. but that's life for another san nian ling jiu ge yue, just 1 month more than the duration japs were in ctrl of sg. i always have this tendency to stress the jiu cos somehow it makes it sound like it's going to be my life forever lol.
+ val-* @ 10:07 PM
mixed feelings.
im free but im busy.
im happy but im disturbed.
im tired but im awake.
im hungry but im full.
i dont know what i want.
guess that explains much.
+ val-* @ 10:58 PM
so cooool!!!!!!abit late haha but i just saw it. the true meaning of valentine's day<3
+ val-* @ 1:01 AM
freedom calls. really? i dont know. feels like my schooling years are going to end but at the same time with tonnes of group project and presentations and fyp and what not, feels like it's still going to be for awhile.
im in a sort of midlife crisis now. LOLOLOL. not really midlife yet, but am starting to think about my career path my financials (somehow everyone's forcing me to think about this) my life my everything adultish that is going to start after sch ends. sometimes i just dont feel like attending lectures anymore cos when u only have 2months of sch left noting down every single thing lecturers say seem pretty insignificant alr. i can't believe i'd say this but after thinking through life many many times i still dont really know what i want sadly to say. maybe i should just not think too much and just focus on finishing sch 1st.
sometimes i question my decisions. esp when im under pressure from people whom i care about. mehhh. wished i can just not care. it's easy to say just do what you want but in life you always get choices that arent really choices.such a negative post haha. but all i feel like doing now is sleep. somehow now after recess wk is over i've regained my sleep quality thank goodness. but now that i have, i got no time to slp damn!
man i feel the fire dying out of me. there's a part of me that really really wants to slack alr. what a thing to say before even starting work hahaha!but i want to sleep more, read more, play my piano more etcetcetc. sometimes i wish my grad trip isn't that long. okay enough of ranting. but these few days had been pretty bad for me sigh.
+ val-* @ 11:32 PM
the past few days was when everything of the past suddenly surfaced.
looking back, i guess those were really fun times haha. albeit complicated lol.
and since it was the past, it shall stay as that. am glad things turned out the way they are now, i guess if it happened then maybe there wouldnt be today. positive.
+ val-* @ 11:18 AM