When we focus our thoughts on ourselves and how inadequate we feel, or what others think about us and how we're performing, we cast a shadow of doubt in our minds by blocking the light of God's Truth in our hearts.
But we were not designed to block the light. We were created to live in the Light by focusing on what God thinks about us instead of what we think about ourselves. 

-God-fidence- 

 I think that's what i precisely need to remind myself now. Being in where i work now casts shadows of doubts on my abilities and passion; everyday i feel my inadequacy -- especially today during viva. Yeah maybe i'm too critical on myself, i think everyone fared about the same. but im just thinking, what if this was really a real patient? what if this person is really someone i love and am close to? To make so many mistakes and let so many things go when it could have been better, i just couldn't convince myself that it's okay AS LONG AS I PASS. This is not acceptable at work -- and this is the motto at my workplace. not acceptable, i think i've been hearing this alot since i start work, although it's getting lesser. i hope one day i can perform at the acceptable level. for my patients, for God.

Step one towards focusing my goals in the right direction. To shine for God at my workplace, to give my best to patients.

+ val-* @ 9:51 PM

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now that i have alittle bit of time, i need to reexamine my life's perspective again.

i felt that i was getting on the right track some time last yr..but i lost it all when i entered a relationship.

the direction was all wrong, i realised.

need to reset.




+ val-* @ 12:05 AM

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yesterday would prob be the most memorable day of prereg.

it's also a day, i was glad to have trust.

the past 2 days were hellish for me, in the sense that i was not getting the cooperation that was needed.
not that i did in the first place; the past 2 months was difficult. but at the same time for those who faithfully came for all pracs i took into consideration and did my best too.

the shock came 2 days ago. dont want to elaborate on it but it was certainly irresponsible of that certain someone. "I'VE BEEN CHEATED BY YOU" would certainly be a catch phrase for quite some time among us preregs. but that was not the thing that got me angry. i was alright abt that actually. and i certainly didnt minded that there were so many opinions. it was just that, if u have, then speak up! it was like i was waiting for someone to say something, and nobody did, so i did and suddenly there were alot of voices. especially for those who never bothered to turn up and dont even know the music well and yet have loads of comments. but all i felt was, okay, since you all can settle that part i shall let u all settle it, it's fine with me. in the end they did anw, and i was truly alright with it as well because as long as you all think it's good im okay.

best part was, on the actual day itself, the organisers used the old uncut music. suddenly there were counts of beats that didn't have any moves. last min heart attack. so i told myself, keep calm and think of some easy moves. and given the fact that i listened to that part countless times when i was trying to count and think of how to cut the music the last time, i know how many beats were move-less. im already trying my best to adapt and salvage the situation, but obviously some were against adding moves the last min, think they know the music better, dont know the music and insist on listening to it to "help me decide" etcetc. that was it man seriously. for once i couldn't compromise. come on, trust me people!!!! on stage, there shouldnt be any down time, can't you all just cooperate with me and learn the steps? it's not alot of counts, just 1 extra repetitive move!i was thankful for that one voice (i forgot who) who supported my idea. at least everyone cooperated in the end and learnt the moves. i guess i still looked abit worries, and another person told me, don't worry val, just trust us! i guess i could have thought, ya right, trust you all when all the rehearsals were in a mess. but i guess even i was surprised at myself, for i actually felt assurance from those words, and i decided to go ahead and trust that everyone will rmb the moves. so when someone asked me if i should remind everyone abt the new moves, i said i trust them and i meant it. i guess the anxiousness got to everyone though, and everyone was very enthu abt running through one more time. so we did and did it in a high fashion, it was fun and everyone was hyped up (must be the champagne haha). and at that point i was like, yes this is it!!i know pre-stage mood really plays a huge part, don't want everyone to go on stage feel nervous and lousy! and when it started, we just rocked the stage!i could feel the overwhelming happiness from everyone and everyone was dancing with their soul, not only with actions. everyone was truly a dancing queen in my view(: i could see everyone giving their best and having the notion of "po1 chu4 qu4!!" aka going all out!! at that moment i felt really touched, and i rmbed the person who told me, just trust us!

and i was glad i did(:

+ val-* @ 2:36 PM

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I asked God to take away my bad habit. God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. God said, No. His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary. 



+ val-* @ 12:26 AM

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