http://jamesmsama.com/2014/09/25/the-real-reason-nice-guys-finish-last/
I chanced upon this article when i was reading some other article on this guy's blog, but what was mentioned really enlightened me in some aspects.
the enlightenment: It's true that most people always equate nice to being good, even if we're not talking about guys here. and i really liked the last statement "So, men, instead of being nice – be kind. Be trustworthy. Be strong. Be respectful. Be caring. Be honest. These are the qualities we should really take pride in."
Nice is indeed an overused word in our society, and what it actually means is not clearly defined - just a search on dictionary.reference.com will show you 17 different definitions of nice, and half of it are defined by more specific words ranging from pleasing, agreeable, to virtuous, respectable, refined. These words mean pretty different things, don't they? Being more specific than a mere "nice", which can sound really neutral and superficial.
I don't know how you define nice guy, but i tend to associate them as being.."nice" for a lack of a better word but yet are somehow socially awkward or nerdy or unattractive, which is why i always think they finish last, but i really liked the article's definition of them being a people-pleaser - something that i can identify with.
I admit i'm a little of that. I may seem pretty opinionated but to be honest i'm "nice" to everyone. I'm pretty much of an introvert but introverts still needs social support, so from young i always think that as long as you're "nice" people will like you. but no, you turn out exactly the way the article describes you to be, someone without a defined identity with a collection of positive qualities subjected to changes and are unprincipled in their living, easily swayed by any tom, dick or harry.
And he doesn’t even know who he is. OUCH. and sadly it resonates with me. i admit sometimes i really don't know what i want and most people's arguments sound right to me. to be honest it extends to the fact that i don't really have a favourite cartoon character, when people ask me if this happens how will i react and i'm like, i don't know? and struggling with my existence. oh yes i do. and the consequence is exactly sacrificing your own happiness and conforming to others. oh, the author really hit the nail on the head, i really wonder how he knows it so well cos i definitely can identify it and wasn't that smart to figure it out earlier.
I definitely got my definition of "nice" wrong. Not so much to be a people pleaser, but to hold on to good principles like kindness, gentleness, honest, respectful. Slightly confusing initially for me, since nice can somewhat equate to the above stated virtues. But you don't have to have those virtues to be labelled as nice. You can be sly and be nice, you can betray someone else and yet be nice.
So it's time to change! but so difficult! ohwells. hold on to good qualities and take pride in them!
+ val-* @ 11:41 PM